Is it worth it?

You know, there aren't many things in my life that I know for sure.

My life has been so out of control the past couple years, it's hard to really grab a hold of something...

Something to clutch, something to hold on tight, so you don't lose your grip entirely...

For a while now, for a long time actually there has been a feeling I've had that in my times of turmoil, has only strengthened...

Why it has strengthened, I'm not exactly sure...

There have probably been a couple of contributing factors, but I'm not sure if these factors are legitimate or if I have concocted them in my head...

I sit here every night and I dwell on this, I've dwelled on this for years...

Everyone I've talked to almost seems to reinforce that my dwelling is not for naught...

Everyone, except one person...

The one person I really should be talking to about this...

But I can't...

I don't know if its cowardice or fear of the unknown or if its just the thought that this is one of the last good things I've been holding on to that has been there for me..

And if I do talk to this person, and it doesn't go well, well then I don't know what will happen...

It's just that this feeling is stronger than any feeling I can ever recall having, its so absolute in my mind that I don't know what would happen if it was crushed...

But if I don't have this conversation, I'll be able to keep the hope in my head, and in my heart...

If I never have this conversation, then I'll never know the possible disappointment...

But the only thing I need to ask myself is...

Is it worth it?