Is it worth it?

You know, there aren't many things in my life that I know for sure.

My life has been so out of control the past couple years, it's hard to really grab a hold of something...

Something to clutch, something to hold on tight, so you don't lose your grip entirely...

For a while now, for a long time actually there has been a feeling I've had that in my times of turmoil, has only strengthened...

Why it has strengthened, I'm not exactly sure...

There have probably been a couple of contributing factors, but I'm not sure if these factors are legitimate or if I have concocted them in my head...

I sit here every night and I dwell on this, I've dwelled on this for years...

Everyone I've talked to almost seems to reinforce that my dwelling is not for naught...

Everyone, except one person...

The one person I really should be talking to about this...

But I can't...

I don't know if its cowardice or fear of the unknown or if its just the thought that this is one of the last good things I've been holding on to that has been there for me..

And if I do talk to this person, and it doesn't go well, well then I don't know what will happen...

It's just that this feeling is stronger than any feeling I can ever recall having, its so absolute in my mind that I don't know what would happen if it was crushed...

But if I don't have this conversation, I'll be able to keep the hope in my head, and in my heart...

If I never have this conversation, then I'll never know the possible disappointment...

But the only thing I need to ask myself is...

Is it worth it?

I'm beginning to blog a lot like Christmas

Okay now that baseball season is over (go Yanks!) I can finally return to the blogosphere, and since I seem to be getting increasingly bored at work, expect more posts...hopefully.

But I'm not sure if you people have noticed but it's a week until Thanksgiving already and of course that means Christmas decorations were up a month and a half ago, but now it's okay to talk about it. And since it's the Christmas season, I've decided to do a brief little ditty on my three favorite Christmas movies of all time.

3.Jingle All the Way



-Ahnold Schwartzenegger's Christmas flick about the toy every kid wants is fabulous, I'm not going to say it's Oscar worthy material, but Arnold and Sinbad have an awesome chemistry in the flick, mix in a little bit of Phil Hartman, and top it off the The Big Show in the biggest damn Santa suit I've ever seen, you have an epic win.

2.The Grinch



-I am referring to Jim Carrey's version, although I do love the cartoon as well, I just thought Carrey brought such life to the Grinchy character and they expanded the story well enough without taking away from the central message of the story and kept it humorous enough. The supporting cast also has a lot of really good comedic talent behind it and they make Whoville a really vibrant place to live in.

1.Die Hard



-Seriously, the greatest Christmas movie of all time. Don't think this is a Christmas movie? Let's take a look at the facts, random Christmas party where people get drunk? Check. Naughty people getting punished by not getting what they want for Christmas? Check. Use of the word “Ho.” is a Santa-esque variety? Check. Check. Check. Movie beginning and ending with Christmas music? Check. Obligatory family hug in the snow? Check. Happy ending? Yipee ki yay mother checker! Oh yeah there's also a fat guy enjoying sugared treats, thank you Carl Winslow. So you say Die Hard isn't a Christmas movie, I say fie onto you and argue it is the greatest Christmas movie.

Worktime Blog Randomness!

The Return of the Random Blog From Work

Well here I am sitting at a desk again, and because this new job is still very new and training is not anywhere near completion yet, I thought I'd bring back an old concept but a fun one. I pick something random in pop culture and just start typing about it.

This weeks issue: Rogue's galleries, and no this does not mean pictures of Anna Paquin.

Myself and my buddies Danny and Steve got into a semi-heated debate about who has the best rogue's gallery in comic book history. Superman and Captain America were among the first discussed but then quickly dismissed when we quickly realized that after Lex Luthor and The Red Skull, there's not much depth there. I brought up the Teen Titans but then was shot down because it's a combined rogue's gallery, and that isn't really fair. Though for the record Slade Wilson is one of my favorite comic book villains of all time.

On and on the debate went until we finally narrowed it down to two heroes, both with impressive arrays of villains of varying complexity and danger. Those two heroes are Batman and Spider-man. And I will analyze both before giving my opinion, though I'm sure anyone who knows me knows who I'm gonna say.

We'll start with Batman and I'll give a Top 5 list of at least my favorite villains for the Caped Crusader.

1.The Joker – Easily Batman's chief rival, and really epitomizes what Batman goes up against. Joker is just insane but hilarious at the same time, and easily has had the best material. From Cesar Romero's makeup covered mustache to Nicholson “rubbing another man's rhubarb” to Mark Hamill being completely and fully awesome in the animated series and Batman Beyond (the movie Return of the Joker is a must watch) all the way to Heath Ledger's amazing portrayal of the Crown Prince of Crime.
2.The Riddler – Okay I'm going to get flak for putting Riddler this high on my list, but these are all my opinion because this is how I grew up with the Bat. The Riddler was always such a fun villain for me because he didn't need to resort to physicality, and it was more of a reason why Batman is a great detective, not just a strong semi-ninja badass.
3.Ra's Al Guhl – Now I know he's higher on most other people's list, and truth be told, I'm not that high on him. I mean I do respect that he is reallt the guy who can get to Bruce Wayne and not necessarily Batman and that's always the mark of a good villain. They know the secret identity and explot it, but don't expose it.
4.Two Face – Oh man do I loves me some Harvey Dent. It's great to see Batman always show a bit of remorse when he is up against Two Face because he knows that he is partially responsible for turning public servant Harvey Dent into a coin flipping murdering madman.
5.Poison Ivy – Female villains are tough to come by, especially really credible ones. But when you give someone an outlook on life that is good and then take it up to insane proportions, then give her control over all the world's fauna, that's a force of nature. Plus Ivy plays off her looks and uses it to capitalize and gain the upper hand on the bat and bird. Plus deep down she's a chemistry nerd, and who doesn't love a good chemistry nerd?

Is this list complete? Of course not. Will you agree with all of my choices? I sure hope not, but these are Batman's Top 5 Villains in my humble opinion. All due respect to Misters Cobblepot and Freis.

Now moving on to everyone's favorite webslinger, Spider-man. Here's a brief rundown of my Top 5 favorite Spidey villains.

1.Norman Osborne – Oh man where do I start with the awesomeness of Normie? He's got the political stroke of Lex Luthor and the criminal genius of The Joker. And his glider's got jets. But serious Norman was a huge threat to Spidey even BEFORE he knew who was under the webbed mask, but once Norman found out Peter's little secret, he made the young Parker's life a living hell. That and he likes to throw blonde women off of bridges.
2.Venom – Eddie Brock regardless of what backstory you follow has always been a huge threat to Spidey for the simple reason that Venom has all the same powers as Petey does, and doesn't register as a threat to the ever present spider-sense of the wall crawler. But also the fact that the alien symbiode bonded to Brock's skin only has very few weaknesses and is powered by the overwhelming hatred Eddie has for Parker and Spider-man.
3.J. Jonah Jameson – Peter's boss being on this list probably surprises some people but it really shouldn't. Beyond being able to torture Parker at work, he also is a huge detractor of Spider-man. Jonah was the one responsible for spider slayers to try and taken down the webbed wonder, and the creation of Scorpion. And recently in the Brand New Day in the comics, the dynamic between Jonah and Peter has gotten so much better as Jonah is now the step brother to Peter Parker, but Mayor of New York City with a whole team dedicated to take down the anti-registration criminal known as Spider-man.
4.Doctor Octopus – Otto Octavius has spent a lifetime trying to make things difficult for Spider-man. He is truly a geek gone bad as the mechanical limbs bonded to his spine has basically driven him to the point of madness. He even tried to marry Peter's Aunt May once. And the writer's of spider-man look highly enough on Doc Ock to feature him in ASM 600, where Otto hacks into the city grid and actually has the whole of New York City attack Spider-man. He is probably the biggest threat while being the physically weakest because of his mental acumen.
5.Burglar – Honestly I had a hard time coming up with the fifth because I was running through a whole list of guys like Lizard, Kraven, Chameleon, Kingpin, etc. But there is one guy who, with one simple act, has haunted Peter for years, decades even, and this guy was never even given a name. It really illustrates why Spider-man works as a hero. This random guy, the one guy Spidey really just let slide, ends up being the person who has impacted and shaped his life more than Norman Osbourne would even hope to take credit for. The murder of Uncle Ben, made Spider-man who he is today, and is the prime motivation for Pete to continue leading this dual life because with great power there must also come great responsibility (had to fit that line in somewhere).

Now you may be wondering why there was no mention of Catwoman in Batman's list, and honestly it's because Spider-man has Black Cat who is essentially the same character, only done better. And yes I think Spidey has better villains just because they seem more well rounded than Batman's villains, and also they don't have to rot in an Asylum and then break out every time they want to do something criminal.

Well hope you enjoyed this rant...if anyone even reads this anymore.

My Little One Year Vacation...of sorts

What a strange and wacky year its been.

A year and a little under two weeks ago, I got fired from my job at Wyeth, and to say I wasn't handling it well would be an understatement.

Though I figured it was a good thing at the time. A little time off from everything, a brain break if you will. I figured with my academic credentials and job experience, I'd be able to land a job by my birthday, and all would be right with the world.

Then month by month slowly went by. Slowly. Exceedingly slow. And the months just seemed to drag on and one, and the economy seemed to be getting worse are worse and the job market shrinking faster than a tiny dick in the Arctic Ocean. (How's that imagery for ya?)

And as time went on, I got more and more frustrated and despondent, as this blog can pretty much attest to. And it seems like as soon as something started to look like it was going my way, it was dashed away thus dragging me lower into my rut.

But it looks like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Right when my unemployment ran out, I got a new job at IBM up in Fishkill.

Slight problems with it though.

It's not in my field.
It's a lot less money, nothing to sneeze at, but a lot less.
I basically have to live with my folks for the whole week away from all my friends.
And I'm not really that enthused about it.

....but it's a job, and it's a start.

And for right now, I guess that's good enough.

I don't understand sports movies sometimes Pt. 1

I call this part one because I'm sure not how many parts I'm going to do of this...but it is something I'm probably going to end up doing more than once. But I watch a lot of sports movies, currently The Waterboy is ending right now, case in point. And I'd like to think of myself as a pretty decent sports fan, not an aficionado of any kind, but I'm relatively active in the pro sporting world...and yet some things sports movies just plain baffle me. This series of blogs will be exploring the minutia of pop culture stuff I love to pick apart.

1) Luis Mendoza is a horrible hockey player, and a horrible human being.



Now granted, I'm new to the sport of hockey just recently watching it now (Go Pens) but I'm an expert at the Might Ducks movies. Now the first Mighty Ducks movies, the kids were not expected to be talented, and most of them weren't as evidenced by the fact that they axed a lot of kids without any explanation (i.e. Jesse's brother and Little Pete). But the second movie was when the Ducks were given an influx of so-called "ringers." Now I have no issues with the smoking hot Julie "The Cat", the enforcer Portman, the puck-wrangler Dwayne, or even Mr. spinny-flippy Ken Wu...but Luis Mendoza, he's an issue.

The man could not stop in a fast break on skates. Now the very few times I've been ice skating in my life, I have realized that stopping is a very important aspect of the sport, especially in hockey. There is no way that he should be considered a "ringer" if the man can't stop. And despite his shortcomings the one time he does stop, he sprays so much ice in the face of the goalie that it could be counted as interference. Mighty Ducks 3 only explains the horribleness of Mendoza further, as he has apparently not only forgotten how to stop (way to go Coach Orion) but scams on a varsity player's girlfriend and just shrugs it off with "Our little secret". If the boyfriend had done something openly horrible to his girl I can accept that, because that's the movies...but no, Mendoza probably just said he was in Menudo and broke up what appeared to be a perfectly happy relationship. So, in short, fuck you Luis Mendoza.

2) The Rick Vaughn situation

Pitcher characters in sports movies have always been somewhat of a mystery to me. It seems like every time a pitcher takes the mound in a sports movie, he always pitches complete games and there is literally no bullpen. However, Rick appeared in both of his movies as a starter and as a reliever. I'm not sure if this is a Joba Chamberlain-like scenario, but it can be very confusing for baseball fans who actually watch these movies...or for that matter just take it way too seriously.

Okay well that's all for now, or at least all I can think of right now without getting too wordy.

High School Hearthrobs...

Okay, this is going to be yet another random over assessing pop culture blog posts...so strap in, make sure your tray tables are in their upright and locked position, and the captain has turned on the "being awesome" sign.

I'm sitting here watching the last episode of Saved by the Bell, the Malibu Sands summer, and as the classic early 90s love music kicks in as Zach says goodbye to Stacy and Slater walks off with a young, hot Denise Richards, I'm left to wonder...did either Zach or Slater ever get laid? For that matter did any TV high school hearthrob get laid?

I'm talking Fonzie, Zach Morris, Shawn Hunter, Will Smith, Eddie Winslow and a whole slew of others...we were led to believe that they were the macks of their respective schools and had the girls falling all over them. But it doesn't seem like they ever got more action beyond the no tongue closed mouth kisses we saw on screen.

It's a very odd concept that the illusion these shows tried to create, because in actuality if these guys existed in real high schools, they would probably be crawling with so many diseases it would make Courtney Love blush. Yet it didn't matter how many girls these guys hit on, kissed, asked out, dated, or what have you they were back a week later with a new one.

High school TV sure tried to teach us some weird values.

Anyway for those still playing the little game I mentioned last week, here's another one to crash your internal hard drive. Imagine the country's first black president Mays Gilliam, the evil alien from Men in Black 2, Severus Snape, Frida Calo, independent pornography star Lester The Molester Cocknshtuff, and the Warlock trying to track down Daredevil and Will Hunting all while being thwarted by Earl, his brother Randy, and Rufus, and thus you have a really interesting re imagining of Dogma.

Certainly has been a while...

Okay it's been a while for me since I did this, and to be honest I'm not really sure why. Many blog worthy things have come and gone...I mean hell my last blog was in November. I didn't blog about Christmas, my favorite holiday of the year. I didn't give a recap of 2008. Nothing about the start of the baseball season, or about my awesome last trip to the Burgh. Hell I went to Japan for my 26th birthday and still nothing posted on this site. And yet I'm not sure why I never got around to writing about it.

Actually...I probably do know why, call it writer's block, call it lack of focus, call it pessimism, but honestly...I'm in a rut.

A rut creatively, emotionally, psychologically, financially, pretty much any way I can be in a rut...I am in a rut.

So why the blog post now, you ask? I don't know...I'm sitting here on a Friday night bored as hell watching NCIS, and I need to do something. So here I sit, here I type. Apologies if this isn't exactly the most well thought out or thought provoking blog you've ever read. I'm just I guess trying to get back to doing this because I loved doing it for a while.

You know my folks keep telling me that I need to establish some sort of routine for myself, because they know I'm in a rut too. And to that I say, it's really hard to develop a routine when it's hard enough just to get the motivation to get out of bed and do something every day, especially when you have nothing you have to do.

But I'm trying...I guess. I'm starting out slow if you can call it that, I'm establishing a new workout routine for myself at a new gym. And I have a few people in my life trying to keep my spirits up, but it's really difficult. I mean until I can someone set a balance to my life to where I have some sort of job that I can get a hold of, the overwhelming stench of failure still kinda radiates from me. And I know I'm not the only one with this problem, especially in these times. But is it wrong for me to feel kinda worse when I see friends of mine lose their jobs just like I did, then spring right back to their feet a few weeks later? I mean I wish the very best for all of my friends, but I wish I just had someone, anyone in my life that could relate to me right now. And I don't. As much as everyone is trying to cheer me up, it's usually only temporary because I don't have anyone who really knows how much of a failure I feel like.

It's just hard because there's nothing I can actively do to change my situation. Sure I can send out all the applications in the world, and I can follow up with phone calls, and I can look outside my profession, outside my state, outside any other cities I'd be willing to live in...but ultimately, I don't make the decision. It's all in someone else's hands, and the very few interviews that I have gotten, thought went well and then nothing are like knives all over me. What did I do wrong? Did I not smile enough? Should I have done better in Statics? Did I spit when I talked? Were they looking for someone with a vagina? Someone with darker skin to fill a quota? Is there anything I could have actively changed about myself that would have gotten me a job? I mean is there someone out there who can somehow give me gratification that the past 8 years of my life trying to get my Master's degree wasn't a huge fucking waste of my time?

Ugh. Okay...this is a long post so far, but I'm going to try and cheer myself up by doing what I love to do most...analyzing pop culture WAAAAAY too much.

I was out with a few friends last week and someone made a statement that really got me thinking. Golden Girls is really just an extension of Sex and the City. I mean it makes a lot of sense when you look at it, take Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte give them about 20 years and kill all their husbands, then relocate them to Del Boca Vista and it's basically the same show. Samantha would be Blanche, the sex-crazed one. Charlotte would be Rose, the sweet but scatterbrained one. Carrie would be Sophia and Miranda would be Dorothy. Watch an episode of golden Girls and put the Sex and the City actresses in the roles and it becomes a much weirder show, but still very similar.

Okay one more thing before I start to get into brain mush, I've recently created a new game for myself to make movies I've seen a million times over seem more interesting. Basically I imagine what a film would be like if you took the leads and then replaced them with a role they played in another movie. Okay that even looks confusing reading it, so I'll explain it with an example.

The movie One Fine Day with George Clooney and Michelle Pfeiffer where they are both single parents trying to get through a crazy day in New York City with their kids and end up falling for each other, you all know it and love it. Now let's examine both those actors film histories. Take Clooney who played Batman in the infamous "nipples and codpiece" Batman movie, and take Michelle who played Catwoman in the "hey Christopher Walken's in this one" Batman movie, and now picture "One Fine Day" where the two protagonists are Batman and Catwoman trying to take care of their kids in full costumes in NYC. To me, that makes a much more awesome movie.

Try it yourself and feel free to let me know what kind of crazy shit you come up with. I personally think seeing Tyler Durden, Batman, Ross and Monica's dad, Jason Bourne, and Shawn "Sugar Daddy" Donkey trying to steal money from Terry Benedict far more interesting than Danny Ocean and his crew. Also here's a teriffic visual to leave you on, Heath Ledger's Joker in 10 Things I Hate About You.

I rest my case.

Keep on, keeping on people.

Friday 5: The H without the 5 W's

1. How’s your health?

Health is pretty good, I mean I could stand to lose a little weight, but I could sit to not do so also

2. How was your day?

Not too bad today actually, went to Buffalo Wild Wings, saw Wall.E (amazing film btw), and played mario party

3. How’s the weather?

Cold, but I'd like a little snow

4. How do you expect to get anywhere in life with an attitude like that?

That's awfully judgmental for a third person omniscient

5. How many people made you smile today?

Probably three or four :)

I'm Drinking and Blogging...this should get interesting

Okay apologies in advance, because this could perhaps be very long winded and at some points very heavy. I'm warning you now, if that isn't your sort of deal, you may as well stop reading now. Because it's not been a good couple of weeks and now that I'm drinking...verbal diarrhea is to follow.

Well it's officially been over three months since I was laid off, and let me tell you I probably couldn't have "picked" a worse time to get laid off. You know when I said I was sort of looking forward to some time off? Guess what? I've had enough time off, and it's finally settling in that this is really the first time I've ever had no true form of income. I've probably sent out about a hundred resumes and have barely heard a sniff out of it. Save for a potential interview in the Burgh and a potential interview in middle Jersey, I feel like every time I send out a resume it's just like I'm back in the 7th grade parties asking girls to dance. Failure every time.

I mean granted I know I could be a lot worse off. I know there are hundreds of thousands of people in this country, and millions in this world who don't have it nearly as good as I do. I still have my health, I still have a whole bunch of great friends, I still have some money saved in the bank (granted its slowly depleting but some), and my folks still back me up with anything I could need help with. But at the same time its just incredibly frustrating to know, that the seven years I spent busting my ass, pulling all nighters, sacrificing myself and my life, to get two pieces of paper that no one will even give a second glance to.

I know its just a matter of time and I should sit and be patient. But my patience is wearing thin, and waiting is getting harder and harder. My sleep habits are getting worse and I feel more and more like a failure every day.

It's almost the same as my personal life...but that's another blog I guess, two bottles of wine are gone, it's 4:12 so I just sent Ashley a wake up text, and I should get to my usual routine of laying in bed for an hour and a half trying to sleep.

I just want to be happy, is that so much to ask?

Friday 5: Misuses?

Here we got this week, with another fabulous edition of the Friday 5!

1. When did you last use the edge of a coin (or a knife blade) as a screwdriver?

Probably a long time ago because my dad's gift to me when I moved into my new place was a tool set, so I'd guess back when I was in college

2. When did you last use a wire coat-hanger to break into a car?

Fortunately I've never had to do this before.

3. When did you last use food or drink as medication?

Any time I have an upset stomach it's right to saltines and ginger ale for me.

4. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?

Oh jeez, probably last night, I do that all the time.

5. When did you last use a paper clip for any purpose other than to clip paper?

Well I personally didn't use it, but one of my friends used it to...clean something out.

Homework Assignment #6: Back to Black to Basics

So this week, we’re getting back to basics. Back to what this little creative journey started off with–Character creation.



Image originally from Borissov at DeviantART

Don’t think, don’t weave intricate tales, don’t try to be brilliantly insightful. Just tell me who this is. You tell me as much as your creative mind allows, or as little. Some people’s first instinct when looking at an image is a snowball effect of ideas and stories. Some need more guidance. At the very least, answer the following:

* What’s her name?
* What’s her favorite movie/book? (Does she even have one? Can she even read?)
* What is her favorite time of year?
* Is she allergic to anything?
* Has she ever been married?
* How many siblings does she have?
* What is her dream?

See? You don’t have to answer those specifically, but if you’re having trouble getting inside the heads of characters you’re writing into short stories (Or novels for NaNoWriMo), sometimes these mundane questions help.

No excuses this week, hmm?

Ready, GO!


Angela had the dream life that many little girls fantasize about when they are younger. She can be seen on billboards all across the world promoting everything from her line of fragrances to fancy designer clothing to her own multi-platinum CD. Children everywhere looked up to her, women everywhere envied her, and men everywhere wanted to be with her.

Yet...Angela had a problem.

Ever since she was little her mother, a former beauty queen, pushed her only daughter to showbiz. She was the baby in the Sears Wish Book for three years running until, her parents got her into commercials. She was entered into beauty pageants all throughout her schooling. However, Angela wanted more for herself. She felt she was more than just a pretty face, she applied herself in her studies. She got tutors for herself without her parents knowledge, she developed a taste for fine arts, literature from some of the greatest minds of our time, and the cinema like Shawshank Redemption and Memento, and she made the honor roll every year at school. She wanted to become something where she would be appreciated for her mind and not her looks. But she never had the self confidence to step up to her parents, because watching her win awards made them so happy. And this trend continued even as she received her Master's degree in biochemistry. Her parents were elated that now she had finished school she could make her star burn brighter than ever before and wouldn't be bogged down by classes and such. And this trend continued because at this point she was tired of trying to do something else.

Then one night everything changed, Angela arrived to hair and makeup early for a photoshoot. She was sitting in the makeup chair and waiting for her stylist when she overheard the director of the shoot, speaking about "all these idiot models" and "stuck up bitches who probably can't read more than a clothing label." She got fed up and left the shoot.

And here she is, she has not turned back. The director has called, her parents have called, her friends have called. She's done being a model, she's done using her looks to get by, she's going to use her degree and go somewhere were she can be appreciated for her mind, and finally be happy with herself. And suddenly she realized that she loved the taste of the cool autumn night, because it tasted like freedom.

Miss Papuga's Homework: Once Upon A Time

All right, boys and girls… Vacation is over!

It’s been a while since our last homework assignment, and I’m thrilled to see folks still posting their responses to the older assignments. I’m still considering a way to properly celebrate all of your fantastic responses here on the site, so if you have any ideas let me know! Okay, time to get down to business. For reasons that shall remain mysterious, I have recently become re-obsessed with Fairy Tales. Because I can’t get them out of my head, I’m going to infect you all as well!

One of my favorite assignments to give out has always been part of my Adaptations class, and I’m dying to know how you creative folks would approach it. Consider, for a moment, the traditional Fairy Tale. Usually you have an inanimate object at the heart of the story. Take, for example, Cinderella. You have a glass slipper causing all sorts of conflict and trouble. Some Fairy Tales have more than one (even in Cinderella, you can think of the Carriage, etc). You even have peripheral characters who appear but don’t have much to say. Fairy Tales are all about imagination, the fantasy world, and giving life and importance to things outside of the norm. (Okay, I’m not going to rant about the didactic nature of Fairy Tales, or the symbolism here. That’s an altogether different post. Let’s stick to the fun, hmm?)

Once upon a time…

You homework this week is to think about one fairy tale (I don’t care if it’s the Brothers Grimm, Anderson, or even Disney’s masterful theft), and reconsider the story from the point of view of either an inanimate object (Glass slipper, anyone?), or one of the peripheral characters (Maybe the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio). Retell your condensed version of the story either in the comments, or on your own site.

Okay since I'm not all to familiar with the Grimm's or Anderson's tales I'm going to use the only source of fairy tales I know of, Disney. And since my favorite Disney movie is Aladdin, I'm going to use Aladdin's little simian buddy Abu.



Abu is laying on a roof in the Marketplace of Argabah on what is seemingly a nomral day. What follows is the internal monoogue of what goes on in this curious little monkey's mind over the next couple of days.

Man, is it good to be a thief. Me and Al we got this shit locked down to a science. He sets them up I knock them down, and vice versa. Wait...damn it guards. Looks like we're gonna have to make a run for it. Honestly, I don't mind...but I wish I could just slap Al every time he spontaneously breaks into song when we are trying to escape. I mean I know the dude has my back and all, but doesn't he recognize that song makes it easier for them to follow us.

...Though it is kinda catchy, damn it.

Abu and Aladdin go through a daring escape in the marketplace only to find themselves parachuting down into an abandoned alleyway to safety.

Ugh...we really need to stop escaping to places where there are little kids who look even more destitute than we are, shit's getting tiresome.

Hey! Wait Al! Oh man where the fuck is he going?

Jeez...there are parades for that bitch princess every day it seems, this is no different. Why is he drawn to that shit? I mean it just leads to...yup, thrown in the mud. Oh wait, he's making a pun, I better laugh.

After heading back to their "loft" Abu sleeps comfortably as Aladdin sings yet another song about making it big someday. In the morning Al and his monkey pal are back in the marketplace looking to scam some food that evaded them the day before.

Okay let me run the strategy down, he distracts the guard I swipe all the apples I can...wait, what's he looking at?

Oh...shit...a dame.

Christ she just stole right in front of everyone, well punishment should be fun to watch...oh Christ. Of course Mr. hero has to go try and save her. Well while there's a scene I may as well help myself.

As Aladdin tried to talk the disguised Jasmine out of trouble, our simian hero runs around stealing coins and apples from everywhere in sight.

Oh great...Al is winging it, I just better play along and not blow this cover. Hey...the chick isn't a bad actress, and she's now bowing before me.

Kneel Before Zod!!!

Weird, I'm not even sure how I know that reference.

Oh crap! My bad! The loot spilled! Bail! Bail!


Abu, Al, and Jasmine speed away through the marketplace and they go through the back route to get to the roofs of Agrabah.

I swear this bitch better not stick around for too long, me and Al had a good thing going. She's only going to cause us trouble...well trouble we can't get out of. Crap...what's that noise?


At this moment guards come storming up into Aladdin's home. Abu runs off out of sheer fright. Aladdin and Jasmine leap from his home, however, right into the arms of the head palace guard. Jasmine's identity is revealed, as Abu watches on from the rooftops and carefully follows where the guards take Aladdin.

Jesus, I knew this was going to backfire on him. Never trust a pretty face I always say...then again, I don't speak English audibly, so he wouldn't get it. Ah well at least I can sneak into the palace pretty quickly. Not like this would be the first time he's landed in the dungeons.

Ah, there it is!

Ok I'll just slide through these bars and...

Abu frees Aladdin and the old man in the dungeon takes him to the Cave of Wonders. Aladdin is looking for the lamp, while Abu is just roaming around.

Hot diggity daffodils, look at all this loot. Sucks that I can't tough a single bit of it...though personally I think it's bullshit. If I see something amazing I'm taking it. Damn why does it feel like there's something sneaking up behind me?

Hello?

Holy fuck....someone...just took....my hat...

Ah! It's a fucking carpet!!

The fucking carpet is moving! Al!

Jeez, you just accept anything if it doesn't look harmful. Fine you stay with the self moving furniture item, I'm going to look around a bit...holy...holy....holy balls. Look at that ruby!

I'm going for it! Let go of me you stupid throw rug!

Voice of the Cave: YOU HAVE TOUCHED THE FORBIDDEN TREASURE! NOW YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!!

..............................my bad

Abu and Al escape the lava tidal wave, and Abu manages to grab the lamp before the cave shuts permanently.

Saving your ass yet again, though I don't know what's so special about the lamp. Not that it matters at this point since we're probably gonna die in here....wow, that's a big blue dude.

A genie eh? Damn I wish I could speak so I could wish for something...I kinda also wish this dude would just stop talking for five seconds. It sounds like he has A.D.D. and diarrhea of the mouth. Oh well at least Al talked us out of here.

Damn! That sun is bright, but it's good to know we are out. I'm gonna stretch a bit, while they're talking about bull shit wishes Al will never waste on me anyway.

Wait...why is he looking at me like that?

Something doesn't smell right about this...

Don't point that finger at me!

Stop saying jibberish!

AHHHHHHH! I'm being turned into....

Oh...fuck.

Abu has been turned into an elephant and is now crashing through the doors of the palace in Agrabah.

I hate this, while he's trying to mack it to a chick that's already obviously into him, I'm stuck here sitting bitch with a carpet, and her pet tiger. A pet tiger who kinda looks at me like I'm some sort of buffet.

Being an elephant sucks balls, eh but at least I'm always packed for a trip.

Damn, that joke doesn't even sound funny as an elephant.

I can't even keep tabs on my buddy. I mean I'm not on his shoulder to save his ass, who knows what he's getting up to.

Meanwhile Aladdin is arrested by Jafar, thrown in the lake to drown.

You know, they say elephants never forget...but I don't even remember what I had for lunch, that hasn't even two hours ago. What bullshit.

Genie saves Aladdin, and Al exposes Jafar as a traitor to the Sultan. Jasmine and Al agree to marry but now we are taken to Al's room where he is talking about his third wish.

Look at this guy, the second he gets me turned into a damned elephant, he almost gets himself drowned. Tell me again how great it is to have a monkey sidekick. And now he's being a little bitch and not going to free the Genie. God I'd sove love to give him the Outbreak monkey bite right now...yet another reference I was unaware that I knew of, go figure.

Jafar has become a sorcerer due to the stolen lamp. Jafar is now attacking the Sultan, Al, Jasmine, and the entire court.

I'll trample that pointy bearded mother fucker Al, don't you worry! Oh...shit, hey wait! I'm me again!

Great, now I'm a tiny little monkey against a huge mega wizard...this really just is not my day. And why do I suddenly crave peanuts, I didn't have any as an elephant and now I want some...Jesus.

Jafar has now sent Aladdin, carpet and Abu to Siberia in the tower of the palace.

FUCK IT'S COLD!!!!

Carpet flies our heroes back to Agrabah...surprisingly quickly. Abu and Aladdin are now trying to sneak up on Jafar, to get the lamp.

Oh good this is just like old times, only I finally get to take down that fucking bird that sounds like the dude from Problem Child. Booyaka bitch!

Go get that lamp Al, my boy! I got him! Shit, wait, OW! That fucker bit me!

Oh...balls.

And now...I'm a toy monkey...clanging cymbals...I'm not even supposed to be here today...

Aladdin saves the day...you know how it goes. And everyone lives happily ever after.

Dude, next time you see a pretty girl in the marketplace...I'm just gonna bite her and give her AIDS, so none of this shit will happen again. Now someone get me some God damned grapes!

Friday 5: Jeez I've missed doing these

Ok, been a while since I've done a Friday 5...I've been slacking on pretty much everything white van related, I even have two assignments from Miss Papuga to do...damn it! Well here goes for this week.

1. What usually marks the middle of your day? My days these days are pretty random, if I wake up normal time then the middle of my day is lunch...if however, the insomnia sets in the middle of my day could be somewhere around 7pm, so i'd be watching jeopardy

2. From whom (or to whom) was your most recent middle-of-the-night phone call? middle of the night phone call? hmmmmm I've had some early morning text chats with miss Ashley, but i think i got drunk dialed by my buddy danny a week ago

3. On what social, political, economic, or moral issue are you in the middle of the road? You'll find I'm unfortunately not terribly political one most issues, I mean I have my opinions and everything but I'm never really like so stuck in my opinion that it can't be changed or altered simply because I try not to educate myself about a lot of stuff like that, because in the end for everything there is a potential loophole, for any plan there is a chance the plan fails, nothing is foolproof so I kinda just keep my opinions to myself most of the time, and wait to see things in action

4. How likely are you to give someone your middle finger? As a bonafide wrestling fan, the middle finger has been greatly desensitized, so I'd imagine it would be quite often

5. When were you last caught in the middle of a disagreement that really had nothing to do with you? Ha. All the time, I'm too nosy for my own good sometimes, but I just hate disagreements between my friends

Time for you, yes YOU to play in the white van...

...Don't worry, I still have candy.

Okay so since a few of my blogging buddies have come up with interactive blogging ideas for the listeners at home to have fun with (i.e. Miss Papuga's awesome creative writing assignments and Chachi's Mad Libs), I thought I would come up with something of my own.

A segue is something I have become more and more accustomed to creating after working on more and more podcasts (please listen to the Wrestling Mayhem Show and the Level 5 podcast) or simply trying to get out of an awkward conversational topic. For those of you who don't know, a segue is like a transitional piece in speech or music to get from one topic to the next seemlessly. Now you may be asking yourself, "Self, what does a segue have to do with me blogging?"

Well I'm glad you asked.

Something I've noticed within myself and I'm sure a lot of you do this as well, but I tend to make about 8 or 9 internal segues in my own head and start up a new topic of conversation that seems completely unrelated at first glance, but once I explain the stream of consciousness segues going on in my head, it does make perfect sense.

For example, I was talking to my friend once and I found a penny on the ground. I went to pick up the penny, which made me think of Abraham Lincoln, which in turn made me think of Beldar Conehead's Halloween costume from the movie Coneheads, which in turn made me think of the movie Wayne's World, which in turn reminded me of the song Ballroom Blitz, which brought in memories of Rockband so I started humming Blitzkrieg Bop, and by the time I actually said something out of my mouth it was a quote from the Justin Long movie Accepted.

Now as you could imagine, this drew a very blank stare from my friend. So once I explained myself, everything got cleared up and we continued on a new topic of conversation stemming off of there.

So I am going to introduce something to stimulate any mental A.D.D. you guys have...if anyone actually decides to do this, so the first edition of Mad Segues, I'm just going to give you two completely random things that pop into my head, and you guys can use anything in your mind that you can think of to relate the two items together. And just to show that I play along too, when I release the next one I'm going to give you a stream of segues I thought of to relate the two items. So I hope you guys have fun with this, and feel free to post it on your blogs and link it in my comments. And without further adieu, here are the first two items for Mad Segues:

The fruit snack delight known as Shark Bites and the song "Dust in the Wind"

Friday 5 and ScottBaio Says

*Blows dust off blog*

Guess it has been a little bit hasn't it? Well don't worry now with weddings and such out of the way and play time in NH coming up I have several blogs I want to get off my chest, but first....I have been commanded and ordered by Scott Baio to engage in some silly little idea of his, and of course I have the Friday 5 after missing one week of fivey goodness.

1. Who frightens you?

Sarah Palin....in a month this woman could be one irregular heartbeat away from running the free world

2. Who regularly surprises you?

Vince Russo and the rest of the geniuses at TNA, every time I think you can't stoop lower or suck more...you have Jarrett try to get over by playing up his wife that really died...what would your children think of that you sick fucks.

3. Who calms you down?

Calms me down? Well I guess it really depends on who is available at the time but most of my really good friends who know me, know how to calm me down.

4. Who inspires you?

My ex's little sister. I know it's an odd choice, but she got cancer of her eye when she was very young and had to get a glass eye installed, and she has been cancer free ever since and has done it all with a smile on her face and a relatively normal life.

5. Who admires you perhaps more than he or she should?

I don't know if anyone really admires me...

Now moving along to what will probably be the first of many Chachi Says segments, though I'll still call it Scott Baio says to simply bust his chops

Today was a lethargic day. I woke up late thanks to my kendo stick. I got to work and prepared myself for what was to come. Eventually calls started coming in. Although today I was not accused of liberating of any fonts. Kinda sad actually because I was looking forward to dealing with kinky Librarians. I was however told that I am one of the retarded people that shit in the support center. I did however manage to split some really funky moves which made it an alright day. Today we had our biweekly Munchkin Lunch break. Twice a week a few guys from the office get together and strip this card game. It’s a lazy game that really anyone can play.

Chachi Says: That not every day can be a horny day. Sometimes they just come by.

Doing homework early...this isn't like me

Before I start I just want to thank Dawn, as this is a really fun idea and I think I'm going to come up with some weekly fun assignment type thing as well because everyone loves to have their creativity stimulated, that and it's a good easy way to keep the blog updated ;)

And plus I've almost blogged once a day for this entire week so I figured I'd keep the trend up and do the homework early.

Homework #4: Memories

Yet another twist to the game:




Everyone has at least one “Junk Drawer” in their home where errant trinkets, broken bits of something, receipts, dodads, and whatnots find a home. Sometimes these things are tossed or shoved in the drawer because there’s no where else to put them. Sometimes they’re put there because you don’t want to lose whatever it is you’re stashing away, or you don’t want to forget it. Other times you want to keep it, but have no where in particular to put it. In any event, the items all share something–they’re important in some way to the owner of the drawer. They’re pieces of memories stashed away.

This week I want you to tell me who this woman is by what is in her “Junk Drawer.” Imagine that she went rifling through that drawer in a last ditch panic looking for her misplaced keys the morning this picture was taken, and she, instead, found something she had forgotten about. What was it that she found that is making her smile like that and changed her mood 180 degrees? (I assume I don’t have to say this, but, “and why”)

Janine was a busy woman, a recent graduate of teaching school she had just been given her very own classroom. The only problem is the job came very late in the summer so she had little time to prepare, so needless to say she was quite stressed out. And being stressed out in front of 30 or so 2nd Graders is usually not the best way to spend 8 hours of every work day. Complicating the matter is that she has just recently moved in with her boyfriend of several years. So to say that the fact that this morning she is looking all over for her keys and that she is already late for work, doesn't seem to help matters.

Janine has gone through all of her normal places where she has her keys, and her boyfriend has already left for work today so he can't help. Janine has gone back to check in the car and they are still not in there, so she decides the last resort before she has to call work and tell them she's going to be late. Janine runs back inside and goes for the last bastion of hope...the junk drawer. Janine pulls open the drawer and instead of the normal method of sifting she merely starting pulling things out. Pens fly everywhere as do loose sticks of chewing gum. Janine starts to realize exactly how many pennies she has and makes a mental note to stop at a Coinstar later, but still she is not seeing her keys. At the bottom of the drawer she sees a note dated today. She finds this peculiar as she pulls the note out with a sweet smile on her face. The note reads:

My dearest Janine, something told me that you would forget that you left your keys in the bathroom last night, so I figured I would leave this note for you because I knew it would be your last resort. If I am right and you are reading this, I hope you have that beautiful smile on your face. If I'm wrong and you remembered right away, then I will probably throw this note out as soon as I get home, so to avoid you giving me a hard time about it for years. Oh...by the way, would you turn around?
-David

Janine looks at the last sentence for a bit and the smile turns to mass confusion as she turns around to find David on one knee in front of her with her keys around his finger but a ring box in his hand. Janine just starts nodding before David can say anything and they embrace with Janine having tears stream down her face.

Turns out David had already called in for both himself and Janine, and took the keys from their normal spot and kept them in his pocket. Janine keeps that note in the bottom of her junk drawer to this day, this to put a smile on her face.

Frid.....H@CKZoRRZ.../.hack+3

ATTENTION! RED ALERT! THERE HAS BEEN A SECURITY BREACH! NORMAL FRIDAY 5 BLOG HAS BEEN HACKED! PLEASE RESPOND ACCORDINGLY!

1. When did someone last break something of yours?
One of my friends came over once when he was hammered and fell essentially through my table in my living room

2. When did you last play hackysack, if ever?
Sadly, I don't believe I've ever played hackysack

3. What was your most dramatic haircut like?
Dramatic? Well there was the ever popular "Flap" i had in my younger years whihc would now oddly enough be called an emo cut or a Peter Petrelli (Season 1) but I also dyed my hair bright red around my college graduation

4. Hacking is basically breaking through the security that protects a computer or a website. What’s the closest you’ve come to doing something similar in real life?

I brought down NORAD with a laptop once just to prove a point...and get free adult entertainment channels

5. In the world of stand-up comedy, a hack is a comic who steals jokes from other comics. Have you ever known a hack in your own field?

Well I've been around people who will take credit for stuff that I've done and stuff that other people have done so that's essentially the same thing

HACK EMPLOYED! CODE NAME: PLUS 3 SOC MEDIA, BE ADVISED!

HACK 1. What brought you to Social Media and what keeps you hanging around?

What brought me to Social Media? The Wrestling Mayhem Show obviously

HACK 2. Which social networking tool gives you the shakes when it’s not updated or is experiencing down time? (Podcasts, Blogs, Micro-blogging, etc)

Podcasts, with as much as I use my iPod if I don't have new podcasts to listen to all the time I will lose my mind

HACK 3. What kind of insight could you offer to others on a topic at PCPGH3? If none, then what do you most want to hear more about?

Better ways on recording a podcast, using free software...sadly I won't be there

Don't blame me...the dog ate my first copy

And now for this week’s homework challenge! Admittedly, y’all have done an amazing job with finding the folks in these images in your own version of their world. Some have been remarkably dark, others touching, and I’ve even seen a few responses that drew a chuckle or two. But don’t think this is going to be easy forever! I want you to exercise those creative muscles! Get those Muses off of their respective couches and working again! So I offer you the following:

Along with your regular responses to who this is and what is going on in the picture, be sure to address two things: 1) Is he/she coming back? and 2) Associate a song/audio with this image in some way. In other words, create the soundtrack for this moment.

Bobby Miller was a kid raised in the slums of Harlem by his single mom and his two older brothers. They all had to work several jobs in order to keep the run down rat's nest they lived in and to keep food on the table and electricity on in their lives. But since Bobby was much younger than his brother's and his mother kept pulling triple shifts to keep them afloat, Bobby was forced to learn to take care of himself.

The pocket change he earned from a paper route and being a delivery boy for a local deli he used on karate lessons. The streets are dangerous in Harlem and the later it gets the better prepared you had better be. Bobby worked very hard because it was how he was raised, he made the most of each and every karate lesson he able to afford and before not he was a very high level black belt. When Bobby wasn't in karate or trying to earn some money he was on the rooftops of his building, training his body to be a well trained machine like his sensei instructed. He would walk on his hands across the ledges of buildings and train himself to be invisible in the shadows. Bobby was turning himself into a highly skilled warrior, because he knew that eventually he would be getting night jobs, and night jobs in Harlem are dangerous.

Sure enough he did. His mother was now very old, and his brothers had moved away out of Harlem because they met girls, married them, and moved out of the old neighborhood. Bobby could hardly blame them, if he had his choice he'd use his martial arts skills to get out of the neighborhood that had only become more dangerous. But now he had to take care of his mother, who had worked so much of her life she couldn't support the family anymore. One night on his way home, Bobby knew he needed to get home earlier, because he wanted to make it in time to wish his mom a happy birthday before she went to sleep so he took what he thought was a shortcut. On this night Bobby went down the wrong alley.

There were a few junkies in the alley Bobby took and they all had knives. Normally one or two guys wouldn't have been a problem for Bobby, but there were more than that. They overwhelmed him, he fought them off for as long as he could, but these guys were desperate. They cut at him and beat him to the ground. They didn't kill him because after all, all they wanted was a fix. They stole his wallet and checking how much cash he happened to have on him at the time, assumed he had more. They ran off in the direction of his apartment as Bobby screamed and tried to follow them. It's hard to run with several stab wounds in your leg. Bobby knows something that the junkies don't...there's no money at his mom's place. When they find that out they aren't going to be happy so he's gotta get there as fast as possible.

But he's too late. When Bobby gets to his mom's place, it is set ablaze and the junkies are long gone. He can't even hear the screams on anyone in the building. It's such an old building no one thought of anything for a decent escape plan. Bobby drops to his knees crying out in anguish as the sounds of horns and sirens of fire engines are now flooding around him.

That was one year ago today. Ever since then Bobby has made it his life's mission to make sure that never happens to anyone again. Call him a hero if you want, he just doesn't want to be a victim again. He prowls the streets at night keeping watch on his city. Every night he throws his trench coat on and walks around the back alleys of Harlem and keeps an eye on everyone. His address is the streets now and thugs don't stand a chance when The Guardian Angel of Harlem is out.

Godsmack's "I Stand Alone" plays as Bobby throw on his coat and heads out onto the streets

This is what keeps me up at night.........*Caution: Heavy Reading Ahead*

I want to star this blog off by apologizing because I am not in a right frame of mind right now so half of this may be rambling and incoherent but I just need to get my thoughts out and it's way too late to call anyone, and since this is supposed to be about my thoughts and musings.......here goes.

You know I've gone through a lot of my life with a smile on my face and my heart on my sleeve. I wear my feelings right out in the open for everyone to see and it's burned me more often than not. But what do you do when you lay awake every night thinking the same thoughts that you jsut aren't good enough..you just aren't smart enough...you just aren't lucky enough to get the things or people that you want.

I mean sure you can sit and think about it and tell someone all your deepest darkest feelings and your worst fears come to life and they can tell you that it's all a phase. They can tell you that things are going to get better and that you have to admit to yourself that they will.

But what if they don't?

No one ever has a good answer for that question, because they try and remain optimistic to keep your spirits alive.

But what if things don't turn around?

What if you think things are at their worst, and yet you still continue to sink lower...and lower still.

You know a couple years ago I was in a relationship, that I admit wasn't going anywhere. I realized that it was a bad thing for me to be in, and although it killed me to do it, I had to break it off. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, because I still cared for her but not in the way that she cared for me. And when I saw that look of sadness in her eyes and I knew that it was the last thing I wanted to do, it broke my heart. But I know it was still the right thing to do. And when I broke the news to my friends, everyone told me it was the right thing to do. Everyone told me that I would move on to bigger and better things. Within a matter of months, she was with someone new. And, they were already being intimate with each other. To be honest, and I know it sounds really petty...but that blew me away. To be honest it's still something that bothers me to my core.

I've never told her this...perhaps someday I will, but we had a four year relationship. Four years of our lives together, and it only takes her a few months to get back on the horse. I think I have a right to be more than little pissed off about that. Did the time we spent together mean absolutely nothing? Am I that easy to cast aside? Did any of it mean anything to her? I mean call me old fashioned, but I believe that the act of making love should be something that's reserved for people who are actually in love. But no...she finds the next guy and just hops in the sack with him. The best part about it is that she got pregnant, so now I feel like shit for even wanting to to give her shit about about this. Should I feel like shit for this? I'm not even sure, because I know her going through the pregnancy is a long and painful ordeal. But am I allowed to still feel the pain and hurt that I have in my heart because I feel like I was just cast aside as easily as a stone in a creek? I'd like to think so, but there's nothing I can do about it. However...the greatest part about this, was how I found out that she was with child. We were going to hang out once after we had broken up just as friends and because she wanted to visit some of her other friends that were graduating, so I assumed everything would be rather innocent.

Well you know that saying that assuming just makes an ass out of you and me...well it's dead on.

First she lays on the bombshell that she is pregnant and the douchebag she slept with already has a kid. And even all this I was "okay" with, I smiled and asked if there was anything she needed. I asked all about it and I was happy for her. In the back of my head, all these thoughts were forming, but let's be honest...I couldn't say them then. It's too much of a dickish thing to do and/or say. And there I thought that my night on unpleasentness and uncomfortableness was over. Boy was I wrong yet again. After an okay dinner...she begins to flirt with me. The mother of another man's child, and the woman who was more than willing to jump back into the sack only a few months, then tells me that she still loves me. How the fuck does she expect that will make me feel? Why would I even want to know that? Is she just trying to Jedi mind fuck me to death? Well mission a-fucking-ccomplished. Now not only do I not get any form of apology, which I feel I deserve but I get the exact opposite. Now don't get me wrong, I still stand by my decision to end our union, and I still know it was the best decision for me. But how is she able to say that to me and then move on to her life with ehr child and leave me this broken version of a man who hasn't even come anything close to having a real relationship since then.

I mean is it my own fault, that nothing in relation to the female gender has worked out since then? Do I persue the wrong people? Am I just not in the right places at the right times? Do I not take advantage of the things I should have? Or am I just destined to be alone? Am I destined just to be that nice guy that watches all of his friends around him get married and have children and have meaningful long lasting relationships while I sit on my fucking chair counseling those in relationships and getting out of relationships while my own heart is probably broken into so many pieces by now that I don't know if anyone can put it back togheter again?

I'm not saying that I don't want to be there for my friends, because I love my friends more than anything...but is it so wrong for me to want to be happy as well?

Is that so wrong?

I want someone to laugh with. I want someone to hold close at night. I want someone who will laugh at my jokes even when they aren't that funny. I want someone who will be there for me. I want someone to love. I want someone to love me back. I want someone to accept me as I am. I want someone who takes my faults and my imperfections. I just want someone who wants me for me. I want passion. I want desire. I want love.

Is that so wrong?

I'd like to think not.

Though it seems I may be asking too much. It seems like its too much for me to want to be happy. I've been trying to convince myself that nice guys don't finish last, the race is just longer for us...well I'm tired of running. Why can't the finish line come to me for once?

These are the thoughts that keep me up at night, this is why I havent't had a good night's sleep in almost a year. This is why I toss and turn. This is why I am throwing away osaked paper towels right now. This is why I look at some people who keep fucking up really good things that they have and yet seem to get more and more chances and just shake my head. This is why I look at some of my friends who get fucked over badly and think to myself hpow much better I could treat them. This is why I think to myself that a lot of the guys I know who are in relationships and treat their women like shit and want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them and scream at them to not fuck it up. Because they don't know how God damned good they have it. And I look at some of my friends and how they don't know how I see them through my eyes, and how I think they deserve the absolute best, how I never want anyone to hurt them, or to make them feel like there is anything wrong with them. But I can't do that...I can't wave my magic wand and make all their hurt and their pain go away, as much as I'd like to, even if it made me hurt more for doing it, I would.

So maybe I am destined to be alone...I don't know anymore. All I do know is that I'm rambling now and half of this probably won't make sense to me when I wake up, if I can get to sleep. So apologies again if you actually sat through and read this whole thing...I just needed to talk to someone and at this time of night the only one up is my computer monitor and the driver of the white van with candy (I swear I'll explain this joke eventually).

Into Every Life TV Must Fall...

Greetings all 5 of you who actually probably bother to read my blog, but as per usual I am being an insomniac or simply just bored and I feel like telling you about shows that you should be watching this fall.

First off I'm going to start with the calendar days, starting with Sunday...and there are two shows you should somehow find time to watch, or cable to steal from to watch these two shows. Now of course Simpsons is coming back soon and so is Family Guy...but let's be honest if you aren't watching those shows now, there's nothing I can do to convince you. But I have one new show and one established show that you guys should check out.

True Blood

A new show from the amazing people at HBO about vampires living amongst humans in the South. Now when I first saw the previews for this I groaned a little bit and thought it would be just a constant one note joke about vampires and an excuse to show gratuitous nudity and such. But what the show actually hinders on is really an interesting take on segregation similar to how X-Men deals with it. Extraordinary people living amongst humans and being persecuted for it, always an interesting concept. The only real established star in the show is Anna Paquin as the lead role of Suki who has become smitten with one of the vampires (who by all accounts I've heard is "hot"....ladies) and the trouble they each get into with their own kind. I'm not completely sold on the show yet as its only had two episodes, but it looks promising thus far.

Entourage

Yet another show from HBO worth your attention is Entourage. The reason for watching Entourage can be summed up in two words: Jeremy Piven. Anyone who is a fan of Piven from movies like PCU or Old School or remember him from Ellen but wish he would really get a spotlight role...this is it. Ari Gold is a fucking legend. Just Youtube Ari Gold and if you don't want to watch this show after five minutes of watching him in action...may God have mercy on your soul.

Moving onto Mondays, I'm going to throw out the obvious plug for Raw because its been a staple of my Monday nights since 1993, and although some shows may push it to a later viewing via DVR (see below) it always holds a special place in my heart. But first, we travel to CBS.


The Big Bang Theory

This was a show I didn't watch until half way through the season last year when it debuted but got turned onto it by one of my best friends, and I am so glad she did. This show is what geeks crave. The premise is simple a pair of geeky friends have a stupidly hot girl move in across the hall from them, hilarity ensues as they learn to interact with females. Then you throw in a few cast mates from the amazing show Roseanne, and you have comedy gold wrapped in aluminum foil, just waiting to be enjoyed nightly. The jokes are sophmoric in nature but graduate school in delivery and as long as you can keep up and release your inner nerd, it works flawlessly.

How I Met Your Mother

This show speaks for itself upon one viewing and to be honest there is only one word to sum it up: legendary.

Plus Neil Patrick Harris and Bob Saget are in it, do you really need more information than that? Watch it.




Oh yeah, there's one other show that has basically blown my mind more times than I care to count...

If you left the show, come back...it misses you, it needs to feed...because this show is back in a big bad way ladies and gentlemen. If you've never seen it, G4 aires repeats of it, and so does NBC.com, and there are other sites that web saavy people like yourselves can catch up on. This show is phenominal in all forms and fashions, bank on it.

Tuesdays and Wednesdays are night you should not be watching TV (except for perhaps ECW) because of the Wrestling Mayhem Show and Level 5, a new Heroes podcast coming to a blogtv feed near you.

But Thursday is the time for a not yet tight-wearing superhero to get through his final tasks as the last season of Smallville is upon us. The journey of young Clark Kent is almost over and now that Lex Luthor has bitten the dust (?) and Supergirl is stuck (?) in the Phantom Zone, and Lana has left Clark for seemingly the final time, the real Superman mythology should be taking place. He has a job at the Daily Planet, and he seems to have a nice little group of Superfriends. This should be a really interesting season.

And Fridays there isn't really much to speak for except for watching The Brian Kendrick on Smackdown. So that's pretty much what occupies my DVR for the week, if there's any otehr show you think I should be checking out or any shows you want to thank me for exposing you to, feel free to comment.

Peace out kiddies.