Okay it's been a while for me since I did this, and to be honest I'm not really sure why. Many blog worthy things have come and gone...I mean hell my last blog was in November. I didn't blog about Christmas, my favorite holiday of the year. I didn't give a recap of 2008. Nothing about the start of the baseball season, or about my awesome last trip to the Burgh. Hell I went to Japan for my 26th birthday and still nothing posted on this site. And yet I'm not sure why I never got around to writing about it.
Actually...I probably do know why, call it writer's block, call it lack of focus, call it pessimism, but honestly...I'm in a rut.
A rut creatively, emotionally, psychologically, financially, pretty much any way I can be in a rut...I am in a rut.
So why the blog post now, you ask? I don't know...I'm sitting here on a Friday night bored as hell watching NCIS, and I need to do something. So here I sit, here I type. Apologies if this isn't exactly the most well thought out or thought provoking blog you've ever read. I'm just I guess trying to get back to doing this because I loved doing it for a while.
You know my folks keep telling me that I need to establish some sort of routine for myself, because they know I'm in a rut too. And to that I say, it's really hard to develop a routine when it's hard enough just to get the motivation to get out of bed and do something every day, especially when you have nothing you have to do.
But I'm trying...I guess. I'm starting out slow if you can call it that, I'm establishing a new workout routine for myself at a new gym. And I have a few people in my life trying to keep my spirits up, but it's really difficult. I mean until I can someone set a balance to my life to where I have some sort of job that I can get a hold of, the overwhelming stench of failure still kinda radiates from me. And I know I'm not the only one with this problem, especially in these times. But is it wrong for me to feel kinda worse when I see friends of mine lose their jobs just like I did, then spring right back to their feet a few weeks later? I mean I wish the very best for all of my friends, but I wish I just had someone, anyone in my life that could relate to me right now. And I don't. As much as everyone is trying to cheer me up, it's usually only temporary because I don't have anyone who really knows how much of a failure I feel like.
It's just hard because there's nothing I can actively do to change my situation. Sure I can send out all the applications in the world, and I can follow up with phone calls, and I can look outside my profession, outside my state, outside any other cities I'd be willing to live in...but ultimately, I don't make the decision. It's all in someone else's hands, and the very few interviews that I have gotten, thought went well and then nothing are like knives all over me. What did I do wrong? Did I not smile enough? Should I have done better in Statics? Did I spit when I talked? Were they looking for someone with a vagina? Someone with darker skin to fill a quota? Is there anything I could have actively changed about myself that would have gotten me a job? I mean is there someone out there who can somehow give me gratification that the past 8 years of my life trying to get my Master's degree wasn't a huge fucking waste of my time?
Ugh. Okay...this is a long post so far, but I'm going to try and cheer myself up by doing what I love to do most...analyzing pop culture WAAAAAY too much.
I was out with a few friends last week and someone made a statement that really got me thinking. Golden Girls is really just an extension of Sex and the City. I mean it makes a lot of sense when you look at it, take Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte give them about 20 years and kill all their husbands, then relocate them to Del Boca Vista and it's basically the same show. Samantha would be Blanche, the sex-crazed one. Charlotte would be Rose, the sweet but scatterbrained one. Carrie would be Sophia and Miranda would be Dorothy. Watch an episode of golden Girls and put the Sex and the City actresses in the roles and it becomes a much weirder show, but still very similar.
Okay one more thing before I start to get into brain mush, I've recently created a new game for myself to make movies I've seen a million times over seem more interesting. Basically I imagine what a film would be like if you took the leads and then replaced them with a role they played in another movie. Okay that even looks confusing reading it, so I'll explain it with an example.
The movie One Fine Day with George Clooney and Michelle Pfeiffer where they are both single parents trying to get through a crazy day in New York City with their kids and end up falling for each other, you all know it and love it. Now let's examine both those actors film histories. Take Clooney who played Batman in the infamous "nipples and codpiece" Batman movie, and take Michelle who played Catwoman in the "hey Christopher Walken's in this one" Batman movie, and now picture "One Fine Day" where the two protagonists are Batman and Catwoman trying to take care of their kids in full costumes in NYC. To me, that makes a much more awesome movie.
Try it yourself and feel free to let me know what kind of crazy shit you come up with. I personally think seeing Tyler Durden, Batman, Ross and Monica's dad, Jason Bourne, and Shawn "Sugar Daddy" Donkey trying to steal money from Terry Benedict far more interesting than Danny Ocean and his crew. Also here's a teriffic visual to leave you on, Heath Ledger's Joker in 10 Things I Hate About You.
I rest my case.
Keep on, keeping on people.