Saturday, November 22, 2008

Friday 5: The H without the 5 W's

1. How’s your health?

Health is pretty good, I mean I could stand to lose a little weight, but I could sit to not do so also

2. How was your day?

Not too bad today actually, went to Buffalo Wild Wings, saw Wall.E (amazing film btw), and played mario party

3. How’s the weather?

Cold, but I'd like a little snow

4. How do you expect to get anywhere in life with an attitude like that?

That's awfully judgmental for a third person omniscient

5. How many people made you smile today?

Probably three or four :)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I'm Drinking and Blogging...this should get interesting

Okay apologies in advance, because this could perhaps be very long winded and at some points very heavy. I'm warning you now, if that isn't your sort of deal, you may as well stop reading now. Because it's not been a good couple of weeks and now that I'm drinking...verbal diarrhea is to follow.

Well it's officially been over three months since I was laid off, and let me tell you I probably couldn't have "picked" a worse time to get laid off. You know when I said I was sort of looking forward to some time off? Guess what? I've had enough time off, and it's finally settling in that this is really the first time I've ever had no true form of income. I've probably sent out about a hundred resumes and have barely heard a sniff out of it. Save for a potential interview in the Burgh and a potential interview in middle Jersey, I feel like every time I send out a resume it's just like I'm back in the 7th grade parties asking girls to dance. Failure every time.

I mean granted I know I could be a lot worse off. I know there are hundreds of thousands of people in this country, and millions in this world who don't have it nearly as good as I do. I still have my health, I still have a whole bunch of great friends, I still have some money saved in the bank (granted its slowly depleting but some), and my folks still back me up with anything I could need help with. But at the same time its just incredibly frustrating to know, that the seven years I spent busting my ass, pulling all nighters, sacrificing myself and my life, to get two pieces of paper that no one will even give a second glance to.

I know its just a matter of time and I should sit and be patient. But my patience is wearing thin, and waiting is getting harder and harder. My sleep habits are getting worse and I feel more and more like a failure every day.

It's almost the same as my personal life...but that's another blog I guess, two bottles of wine are gone, it's 4:12 so I just sent Ashley a wake up text, and I should get to my usual routine of laying in bed for an hour and a half trying to sleep.

I just want to be happy, is that so much to ask?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Friday 5: Misuses?

Here we got this week, with another fabulous edition of the Friday 5!

1. When did you last use the edge of a coin (or a knife blade) as a screwdriver?

Probably a long time ago because my dad's gift to me when I moved into my new place was a tool set, so I'd guess back when I was in college

2. When did you last use a wire coat-hanger to break into a car?

Fortunately I've never had to do this before.

3. When did you last use food or drink as medication?

Any time I have an upset stomach it's right to saltines and ginger ale for me.

4. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?

Oh jeez, probably last night, I do that all the time.

5. When did you last use a paper clip for any purpose other than to clip paper?

Well I personally didn't use it, but one of my friends used it to...clean something out.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Homework Assignment #6: Back to Black to Basics

So this week, we’re getting back to basics. Back to what this little creative journey started off with–Character creation.

Image originally from Borissov at DeviantART

Don’t think, don’t weave intricate tales, don’t try to be brilliantly insightful. Just tell me who this is. You tell me as much as your creative mind allows, or as little. Some people’s first instinct when looking at an image is a snowball effect of ideas and stories. Some need more guidance. At the very least, answer the following:

* What’s her name?
* What’s her favorite movie/book? (Does she even have one? Can she even read?)
* What is her favorite time of year?
* Is she allergic to anything?
* Has she ever been married?
* How many siblings does she have?
* What is her dream?

See? You don’t have to answer those specifically, but if you’re having trouble getting inside the heads of characters you’re writing into short stories (Or novels for NaNoWriMo), sometimes these mundane questions help.

No excuses this week, hmm?

Ready, GO!

Angela had the dream life that many little girls fantasize about when they are younger. She can be seen on billboards all across the world promoting everything from her line of fragrances to fancy designer clothing to her own multi-platinum CD. Children everywhere looked up to her, women everywhere envied her, and men everywhere wanted to be with her.

Yet...Angela had a problem.

Ever since she was little her mother, a former beauty queen, pushed her only daughter to showbiz. She was the baby in the Sears Wish Book for three years running until, her parents got her into commercials. She was entered into beauty pageants all throughout her schooling. However, Angela wanted more for herself. She felt she was more than just a pretty face, she applied herself in her studies. She got tutors for herself without her parents knowledge, she developed a taste for fine arts, literature from some of the greatest minds of our time, and the cinema like Shawshank Redemption and Memento, and she made the honor roll every year at school. She wanted to become something where she would be appreciated for her mind and not her looks. But she never had the self confidence to step up to her parents, because watching her win awards made them so happy. And this trend continued even as she received her Master's degree in biochemistry. Her parents were elated that now she had finished school she could make her star burn brighter than ever before and wouldn't be bogged down by classes and such. And this trend continued because at this point she was tired of trying to do something else.

Then one night everything changed, Angela arrived to hair and makeup early for a photoshoot. She was sitting in the makeup chair and waiting for her stylist when she overheard the director of the shoot, speaking about "all these idiot models" and "stuck up bitches who probably can't read more than a clothing label." She got fed up and left the shoot.

And here she is, she has not turned back. The director has called, her parents have called, her friends have called. She's done being a model, she's done using her looks to get by, she's going to use her degree and go somewhere were she can be appreciated for her mind, and finally be happy with herself. And suddenly she realized that she loved the taste of the cool autumn night, because it tasted like freedom.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Miss Papuga's Homework: Once Upon A Time

All right, boys and girls… Vacation is over!

It’s been a while since our last homework assignment, and I’m thrilled to see folks still posting their responses to the older assignments. I’m still considering a way to properly celebrate all of your fantastic responses here on the site, so if you have any ideas let me know! Okay, time to get down to business. For reasons that shall remain mysterious, I have recently become re-obsessed with Fairy Tales. Because I can’t get them out of my head, I’m going to infect you all as well!

One of my favorite assignments to give out has always been part of my Adaptations class, and I’m dying to know how you creative folks would approach it. Consider, for a moment, the traditional Fairy Tale. Usually you have an inanimate object at the heart of the story. Take, for example, Cinderella. You have a glass slipper causing all sorts of conflict and trouble. Some Fairy Tales have more than one (even in Cinderella, you can think of the Carriage, etc). You even have peripheral characters who appear but don’t have much to say. Fairy Tales are all about imagination, the fantasy world, and giving life and importance to things outside of the norm. (Okay, I’m not going to rant about the didactic nature of Fairy Tales, or the symbolism here. That’s an altogether different post. Let’s stick to the fun, hmm?)

Once upon a time…

You homework this week is to think about one fairy tale (I don’t care if it’s the Brothers Grimm, Anderson, or even Disney’s masterful theft), and reconsider the story from the point of view of either an inanimate object (Glass slipper, anyone?), or one of the peripheral characters (Maybe the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio). Retell your condensed version of the story either in the comments, or on your own site.

Okay since I'm not all to familiar with the Grimm's or Anderson's tales I'm going to use the only source of fairy tales I know of, Disney. And since my favorite Disney movie is Aladdin, I'm going to use Aladdin's little simian buddy Abu.

Abu is laying on a roof in the Marketplace of Argabah on what is seemingly a nomral day. What follows is the internal monoogue of what goes on in this curious little monkey's mind over the next couple of days.

Man, is it good to be a thief. Me and Al we got this shit locked down to a science. He sets them up I knock them down, and vice versa. Wait...damn it guards. Looks like we're gonna have to make a run for it. Honestly, I don't mind...but I wish I could just slap Al every time he spontaneously breaks into song when we are trying to escape. I mean I know the dude has my back and all, but doesn't he recognize that song makes it easier for them to follow us.

...Though it is kinda catchy, damn it.

Abu and Aladdin go through a daring escape in the marketplace only to find themselves parachuting down into an abandoned alleyway to safety.

Ugh...we really need to stop escaping to places where there are little kids who look even more destitute than we are, shit's getting tiresome.

Hey! Wait Al! Oh man where the fuck is he going?

Jeez...there are parades for that bitch princess every day it seems, this is no different. Why is he drawn to that shit? I mean it just leads to...yup, thrown in the mud. Oh wait, he's making a pun, I better laugh.

After heading back to their "loft" Abu sleeps comfortably as Aladdin sings yet another song about making it big someday. In the morning Al and his monkey pal are back in the marketplace looking to scam some food that evaded them the day before.

Okay let me run the strategy down, he distracts the guard I swipe all the apples I can...wait, what's he looking at?

Oh...shit...a dame.

Christ she just stole right in front of everyone, well punishment should be fun to watch...oh Christ. Of course Mr. hero has to go try and save her. Well while there's a scene I may as well help myself.

As Aladdin tried to talk the disguised Jasmine out of trouble, our simian hero runs around stealing coins and apples from everywhere in sight.

Oh great...Al is winging it, I just better play along and not blow this cover. Hey...the chick isn't a bad actress, and she's now bowing before me.

Kneel Before Zod!!!

Weird, I'm not even sure how I know that reference.

Oh crap! My bad! The loot spilled! Bail! Bail!

Abu, Al, and Jasmine speed away through the marketplace and they go through the back route to get to the roofs of Agrabah.

I swear this bitch better not stick around for too long, me and Al had a good thing going. She's only going to cause us trouble...well trouble we can't get out of. Crap...what's that noise?

At this moment guards come storming up into Aladdin's home. Abu runs off out of sheer fright. Aladdin and Jasmine leap from his home, however, right into the arms of the head palace guard. Jasmine's identity is revealed, as Abu watches on from the rooftops and carefully follows where the guards take Aladdin.

Jesus, I knew this was going to backfire on him. Never trust a pretty face I always say...then again, I don't speak English audibly, so he wouldn't get it. Ah well at least I can sneak into the palace pretty quickly. Not like this would be the first time he's landed in the dungeons.

Ah, there it is!

Ok I'll just slide through these bars and...

Abu frees Aladdin and the old man in the dungeon takes him to the Cave of Wonders. Aladdin is looking for the lamp, while Abu is just roaming around.

Hot diggity daffodils, look at all this loot. Sucks that I can't tough a single bit of it...though personally I think it's bullshit. If I see something amazing I'm taking it. Damn why does it feel like there's something sneaking up behind me?


Holy fuck....someone...just hat...

Ah! It's a fucking carpet!!

The fucking carpet is moving! Al!

Jeez, you just accept anything if it doesn't look harmful. Fine you stay with the self moving furniture item, I'm going to look around a bit...holy...holy....holy balls. Look at that ruby!

I'm going for it! Let go of me you stupid throw rug!


Abu and Al escape the lava tidal wave, and Abu manages to grab the lamp before the cave shuts permanently.

Saving your ass yet again, though I don't know what's so special about the lamp. Not that it matters at this point since we're probably gonna die in, that's a big blue dude.

A genie eh? Damn I wish I could speak so I could wish for something...I kinda also wish this dude would just stop talking for five seconds. It sounds like he has A.D.D. and diarrhea of the mouth. Oh well at least Al talked us out of here.

Damn! That sun is bright, but it's good to know we are out. I'm gonna stretch a bit, while they're talking about bull shit wishes Al will never waste on me anyway.

Wait...why is he looking at me like that?

Something doesn't smell right about this...

Don't point that finger at me!

Stop saying jibberish!

AHHHHHHH! I'm being turned into....


Abu has been turned into an elephant and is now crashing through the doors of the palace in Agrabah.

I hate this, while he's trying to mack it to a chick that's already obviously into him, I'm stuck here sitting bitch with a carpet, and her pet tiger. A pet tiger who kinda looks at me like I'm some sort of buffet.

Being an elephant sucks balls, eh but at least I'm always packed for a trip.

Damn, that joke doesn't even sound funny as an elephant.

I can't even keep tabs on my buddy. I mean I'm not on his shoulder to save his ass, who knows what he's getting up to.

Meanwhile Aladdin is arrested by Jafar, thrown in the lake to drown.

You know, they say elephants never forget...but I don't even remember what I had for lunch, that hasn't even two hours ago. What bullshit.

Genie saves Aladdin, and Al exposes Jafar as a traitor to the Sultan. Jasmine and Al agree to marry but now we are taken to Al's room where he is talking about his third wish.

Look at this guy, the second he gets me turned into a damned elephant, he almost gets himself drowned. Tell me again how great it is to have a monkey sidekick. And now he's being a little bitch and not going to free the Genie. God I'd sove love to give him the Outbreak monkey bite right now...yet another reference I was unaware that I knew of, go figure.

Jafar has become a sorcerer due to the stolen lamp. Jafar is now attacking the Sultan, Al, Jasmine, and the entire court.

I'll trample that pointy bearded mother fucker Al, don't you worry! Oh...shit, hey wait! I'm me again!

Great, now I'm a tiny little monkey against a huge mega wizard...this really just is not my day. And why do I suddenly crave peanuts, I didn't have any as an elephant and now I want some...Jesus.

Jafar has now sent Aladdin, carpet and Abu to Siberia in the tower of the palace.


Carpet flies our heroes back to Agrabah...surprisingly quickly. Abu and Aladdin are now trying to sneak up on Jafar, to get the lamp.

Oh good this is just like old times, only I finally get to take down that fucking bird that sounds like the dude from Problem Child. Booyaka bitch!

Go get that lamp Al, my boy! I got him! Shit, wait, OW! That fucker bit me!


And now...I'm a toy monkey...clanging cymbals...I'm not even supposed to be here today...

Aladdin saves the know how it goes. And everyone lives happily ever after.

Dude, next time you see a pretty girl in the marketplace...I'm just gonna bite her and give her AIDS, so none of this shit will happen again. Now someone get me some God damned grapes!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Friday 5: Jeez I've missed doing these

Ok, been a while since I've done a Friday 5...I've been slacking on pretty much everything white van related, I even have two assignments from Miss Papuga to do...damn it! Well here goes for this week.

1. What usually marks the middle of your day? My days these days are pretty random, if I wake up normal time then the middle of my day is lunch...if however, the insomnia sets in the middle of my day could be somewhere around 7pm, so i'd be watching jeopardy

2. From whom (or to whom) was your most recent middle-of-the-night phone call? middle of the night phone call? hmmmmm I've had some early morning text chats with miss Ashley, but i think i got drunk dialed by my buddy danny a week ago

3. On what social, political, economic, or moral issue are you in the middle of the road? You'll find I'm unfortunately not terribly political one most issues, I mean I have my opinions and everything but I'm never really like so stuck in my opinion that it can't be changed or altered simply because I try not to educate myself about a lot of stuff like that, because in the end for everything there is a potential loophole, for any plan there is a chance the plan fails, nothing is foolproof so I kinda just keep my opinions to myself most of the time, and wait to see things in action

4. How likely are you to give someone your middle finger? As a bonafide wrestling fan, the middle finger has been greatly desensitized, so I'd imagine it would be quite often

5. When were you last caught in the middle of a disagreement that really had nothing to do with you? Ha. All the time, I'm too nosy for my own good sometimes, but I just hate disagreements between my friends

Monday, October 20, 2008

Time for you, yes YOU to play in the white van...

...Don't worry, I still have candy.

Okay so since a few of my blogging buddies have come up with interactive blogging ideas for the listeners at home to have fun with (i.e. Miss Papuga's awesome creative writing assignments and Chachi's Mad Libs), I thought I would come up with something of my own.

A segue is something I have become more and more accustomed to creating after working on more and more podcasts (please listen to the Wrestling Mayhem Show and the Level 5 podcast) or simply trying to get out of an awkward conversational topic. For those of you who don't know, a segue is like a transitional piece in speech or music to get from one topic to the next seemlessly. Now you may be asking yourself, "Self, what does a segue have to do with me blogging?"

Well I'm glad you asked.

Something I've noticed within myself and I'm sure a lot of you do this as well, but I tend to make about 8 or 9 internal segues in my own head and start up a new topic of conversation that seems completely unrelated at first glance, but once I explain the stream of consciousness segues going on in my head, it does make perfect sense.

For example, I was talking to my friend once and I found a penny on the ground. I went to pick up the penny, which made me think of Abraham Lincoln, which in turn made me think of Beldar Conehead's Halloween costume from the movie Coneheads, which in turn made me think of the movie Wayne's World, which in turn reminded me of the song Ballroom Blitz, which brought in memories of Rockband so I started humming Blitzkrieg Bop, and by the time I actually said something out of my mouth it was a quote from the Justin Long movie Accepted.

Now as you could imagine, this drew a very blank stare from my friend. So once I explained myself, everything got cleared up and we continued on a new topic of conversation stemming off of there.

So I am going to introduce something to stimulate any mental A.D.D. you guys have...if anyone actually decides to do this, so the first edition of Mad Segues, I'm just going to give you two completely random things that pop into my head, and you guys can use anything in your mind that you can think of to relate the two items together. And just to show that I play along too, when I release the next one I'm going to give you a stream of segues I thought of to relate the two items. So I hope you guys have fun with this, and feel free to post it on your blogs and link it in my comments. And without further adieu, here are the first two items for Mad Segues:

The fruit snack delight known as Shark Bites and the song "Dust in the Wind"

Friday, October 17, 2008

Friday 5 and ScottBaio Says

*Blows dust off blog*

Guess it has been a little bit hasn't it? Well don't worry now with weddings and such out of the way and play time in NH coming up I have several blogs I want to get off my chest, but first....I have been commanded and ordered by Scott Baio to engage in some silly little idea of his, and of course I have the Friday 5 after missing one week of fivey goodness.

1. Who frightens you?

Sarah a month this woman could be one irregular heartbeat away from running the free world

2. Who regularly surprises you?

Vince Russo and the rest of the geniuses at TNA, every time I think you can't stoop lower or suck have Jarrett try to get over by playing up his wife that really died...what would your children think of that you sick fucks.

3. Who calms you down?

Calms me down? Well I guess it really depends on who is available at the time but most of my really good friends who know me, know how to calm me down.

4. Who inspires you?

My ex's little sister. I know it's an odd choice, but she got cancer of her eye when she was very young and had to get a glass eye installed, and she has been cancer free ever since and has done it all with a smile on her face and a relatively normal life.

5. Who admires you perhaps more than he or she should?

I don't know if anyone really admires me...

Now moving along to what will probably be the first of many Chachi Says segments, though I'll still call it Scott Baio says to simply bust his chops

Today was a lethargic day. I woke up late thanks to my kendo stick. I got to work and prepared myself for what was to come. Eventually calls started coming in. Although today I was not accused of liberating of any fonts. Kinda sad actually because I was looking forward to dealing with kinky Librarians. I was however told that I am one of the retarded people that shit in the support center. I did however manage to split some really funky moves which made it an alright day. Today we had our biweekly Munchkin Lunch break. Twice a week a few guys from the office get together and strip this card game. It’s a lazy game that really anyone can play.

Chachi Says: That not every day can be a horny day. Sometimes they just come by.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Doing homework early...this isn't like me

Before I start I just want to thank Dawn, as this is a really fun idea and I think I'm going to come up with some weekly fun assignment type thing as well because everyone loves to have their creativity stimulated, that and it's a good easy way to keep the blog updated ;)

And plus I've almost blogged once a day for this entire week so I figured I'd keep the trend up and do the homework early.

Homework #4: Memories

Yet another twist to the game:

Everyone has at least one “Junk Drawer” in their home where errant trinkets, broken bits of something, receipts, dodads, and whatnots find a home. Sometimes these things are tossed or shoved in the drawer because there’s no where else to put them. Sometimes they’re put there because you don’t want to lose whatever it is you’re stashing away, or you don’t want to forget it. Other times you want to keep it, but have no where in particular to put it. In any event, the items all share something–they’re important in some way to the owner of the drawer. They’re pieces of memories stashed away.

This week I want you to tell me who this woman is by what is in her “Junk Drawer.” Imagine that she went rifling through that drawer in a last ditch panic looking for her misplaced keys the morning this picture was taken, and she, instead, found something she had forgotten about. What was it that she found that is making her smile like that and changed her mood 180 degrees? (I assume I don’t have to say this, but, “and why”)

Janine was a busy woman, a recent graduate of teaching school she had just been given her very own classroom. The only problem is the job came very late in the summer so she had little time to prepare, so needless to say she was quite stressed out. And being stressed out in front of 30 or so 2nd Graders is usually not the best way to spend 8 hours of every work day. Complicating the matter is that she has just recently moved in with her boyfriend of several years. So to say that the fact that this morning she is looking all over for her keys and that she is already late for work, doesn't seem to help matters.

Janine has gone through all of her normal places where she has her keys, and her boyfriend has already left for work today so he can't help. Janine has gone back to check in the car and they are still not in there, so she decides the last resort before she has to call work and tell them she's going to be late. Janine runs back inside and goes for the last bastion of hope...the junk drawer. Janine pulls open the drawer and instead of the normal method of sifting she merely starting pulling things out. Pens fly everywhere as do loose sticks of chewing gum. Janine starts to realize exactly how many pennies she has and makes a mental note to stop at a Coinstar later, but still she is not seeing her keys. At the bottom of the drawer she sees a note dated today. She finds this peculiar as she pulls the note out with a sweet smile on her face. The note reads:

My dearest Janine, something told me that you would forget that you left your keys in the bathroom last night, so I figured I would leave this note for you because I knew it would be your last resort. If I am right and you are reading this, I hope you have that beautiful smile on your face. If I'm wrong and you remembered right away, then I will probably throw this note out as soon as I get home, so to avoid you giving me a hard time about it for years. the way, would you turn around?

Janine looks at the last sentence for a bit and the smile turns to mass confusion as she turns around to find David on one knee in front of her with her keys around his finger but a ring box in his hand. Janine just starts nodding before David can say anything and they embrace with Janine having tears stream down her face.

Turns out David had already called in for both himself and Janine, and took the keys from their normal spot and kept them in his pocket. Janine keeps that note in the bottom of her junk drawer to this day, this to put a smile on her face.

Friday, September 26, 2008



1. When did someone last break something of yours?
One of my friends came over once when he was hammered and fell essentially through my table in my living room

2. When did you last play hackysack, if ever?
Sadly, I don't believe I've ever played hackysack

3. What was your most dramatic haircut like?
Dramatic? Well there was the ever popular "Flap" i had in my younger years whihc would now oddly enough be called an emo cut or a Peter Petrelli (Season 1) but I also dyed my hair bright red around my college graduation

4. Hacking is basically breaking through the security that protects a computer or a website. What’s the closest you’ve come to doing something similar in real life?

I brought down NORAD with a laptop once just to prove a point...and get free adult entertainment channels

5. In the world of stand-up comedy, a hack is a comic who steals jokes from other comics. Have you ever known a hack in your own field?

Well I've been around people who will take credit for stuff that I've done and stuff that other people have done so that's essentially the same thing


HACK 1. What brought you to Social Media and what keeps you hanging around?

What brought me to Social Media? The Wrestling Mayhem Show obviously

HACK 2. Which social networking tool gives you the shakes when it’s not updated or is experiencing down time? (Podcasts, Blogs, Micro-blogging, etc)

Podcasts, with as much as I use my iPod if I don't have new podcasts to listen to all the time I will lose my mind

HACK 3. What kind of insight could you offer to others on a topic at PCPGH3? If none, then what do you most want to hear more about?

Better ways on recording a podcast, using free software...sadly I won't be there

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Don't blame me...the dog ate my first copy

And now for this week’s homework challenge! Admittedly, y’all have done an amazing job with finding the folks in these images in your own version of their world. Some have been remarkably dark, others touching, and I’ve even seen a few responses that drew a chuckle or two. But don’t think this is going to be easy forever! I want you to exercise those creative muscles! Get those Muses off of their respective couches and working again! So I offer you the following:

Walking Alone by <span class=

Along with your regular responses to who this is and what is going on in the picture, be sure to address two things: 1) Is he/she coming back? and 2) Associate a song/audio with this image in some way. In other words, create the soundtrack for this moment.

Bobby Miller was a kid raised in the slums of Harlem by his single mom and his two older brothers. They all had to work several jobs in order to keep the run down rat's nest they lived in and to keep food on the table and electricity on in their lives. But since Bobby was much younger than his brother's and his mother kept pulling triple shifts to keep them afloat, Bobby was forced to learn to take care of himself.

The pocket change he earned from a paper route and being a delivery boy for a local deli he used on karate lessons. The streets are dangerous in Harlem and the later it gets the better prepared you had better be. Bobby worked very hard because it was how he was raised, he made the most of each and every karate lesson he able to afford and before not he was a very high level black belt. When Bobby wasn't in karate or trying to earn some money he was on the rooftops of his building, training his body to be a well trained machine like his sensei instructed. He would walk on his hands across the ledges of buildings and train himself to be invisible in the shadows. Bobby was turning himself into a highly skilled warrior, because he knew that eventually he would be getting night jobs, and night jobs in Harlem are dangerous.

Sure enough he did. His mother was now very old, and his brothers had moved away out of Harlem because they met girls, married them, and moved out of the old neighborhood. Bobby could hardly blame them, if he had his choice he'd use his martial arts skills to get out of the neighborhood that had only become more dangerous. But now he had to take care of his mother, who had worked so much of her life she couldn't support the family anymore. One night on his way home, Bobby knew he needed to get home earlier, because he wanted to make it in time to wish his mom a happy birthday before she went to sleep so he took what he thought was a shortcut. On this night Bobby went down the wrong alley.

There were a few junkies in the alley Bobby took and they all had knives. Normally one or two guys wouldn't have been a problem for Bobby, but there were more than that. They overwhelmed him, he fought them off for as long as he could, but these guys were desperate. They cut at him and beat him to the ground. They didn't kill him because after all, all they wanted was a fix. They stole his wallet and checking how much cash he happened to have on him at the time, assumed he had more. They ran off in the direction of his apartment as Bobby screamed and tried to follow them. It's hard to run with several stab wounds in your leg. Bobby knows something that the junkies don't...there's no money at his mom's place. When they find that out they aren't going to be happy so he's gotta get there as fast as possible.

But he's too late. When Bobby gets to his mom's place, it is set ablaze and the junkies are long gone. He can't even hear the screams on anyone in the building. It's such an old building no one thought of anything for a decent escape plan. Bobby drops to his knees crying out in anguish as the sounds of horns and sirens of fire engines are now flooding around him.

That was one year ago today. Ever since then Bobby has made it his life's mission to make sure that never happens to anyone again. Call him a hero if you want, he just doesn't want to be a victim again. He prowls the streets at night keeping watch on his city. Every night he throws his trench coat on and walks around the back alleys of Harlem and keeps an eye on everyone. His address is the streets now and thugs don't stand a chance when The Guardian Angel of Harlem is out.

Godsmack's "I Stand Alone" plays as Bobby throw on his coat and heads out onto the streets

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

This is what keeps me up at night.........*Caution: Heavy Reading Ahead*

I want to star this blog off by apologizing because I am not in a right frame of mind right now so half of this may be rambling and incoherent but I just need to get my thoughts out and it's way too late to call anyone, and since this is supposed to be about my thoughts and goes.

You know I've gone through a lot of my life with a smile on my face and my heart on my sleeve. I wear my feelings right out in the open for everyone to see and it's burned me more often than not. But what do you do when you lay awake every night thinking the same thoughts that you jsut aren't good just aren't smart just aren't lucky enough to get the things or people that you want.

I mean sure you can sit and think about it and tell someone all your deepest darkest feelings and your worst fears come to life and they can tell you that it's all a phase. They can tell you that things are going to get better and that you have to admit to yourself that they will.

But what if they don't?

No one ever has a good answer for that question, because they try and remain optimistic to keep your spirits alive.

But what if things don't turn around?

What if you think things are at their worst, and yet you still continue to sink lower...and lower still.

You know a couple years ago I was in a relationship, that I admit wasn't going anywhere. I realized that it was a bad thing for me to be in, and although it killed me to do it, I had to break it off. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, because I still cared for her but not in the way that she cared for me. And when I saw that look of sadness in her eyes and I knew that it was the last thing I wanted to do, it broke my heart. But I know it was still the right thing to do. And when I broke the news to my friends, everyone told me it was the right thing to do. Everyone told me that I would move on to bigger and better things. Within a matter of months, she was with someone new. And, they were already being intimate with each other. To be honest, and I know it sounds really petty...but that blew me away. To be honest it's still something that bothers me to my core.

I've never told her this...perhaps someday I will, but we had a four year relationship. Four years of our lives together, and it only takes her a few months to get back on the horse. I think I have a right to be more than little pissed off about that. Did the time we spent together mean absolutely nothing? Am I that easy to cast aside? Did any of it mean anything to her? I mean call me old fashioned, but I believe that the act of making love should be something that's reserved for people who are actually in love. But no...she finds the next guy and just hops in the sack with him. The best part about it is that she got pregnant, so now I feel like shit for even wanting to to give her shit about about this. Should I feel like shit for this? I'm not even sure, because I know her going through the pregnancy is a long and painful ordeal. But am I allowed to still feel the pain and hurt that I have in my heart because I feel like I was just cast aside as easily as a stone in a creek? I'd like to think so, but there's nothing I can do about it. However...the greatest part about this, was how I found out that she was with child. We were going to hang out once after we had broken up just as friends and because she wanted to visit some of her other friends that were graduating, so I assumed everything would be rather innocent.

Well you know that saying that assuming just makes an ass out of you and me...well it's dead on.

First she lays on the bombshell that she is pregnant and the douchebag she slept with already has a kid. And even all this I was "okay" with, I smiled and asked if there was anything she needed. I asked all about it and I was happy for her. In the back of my head, all these thoughts were forming, but let's be honest...I couldn't say them then. It's too much of a dickish thing to do and/or say. And there I thought that my night on unpleasentness and uncomfortableness was over. Boy was I wrong yet again. After an okay dinner...she begins to flirt with me. The mother of another man's child, and the woman who was more than willing to jump back into the sack only a few months, then tells me that she still loves me. How the fuck does she expect that will make me feel? Why would I even want to know that? Is she just trying to Jedi mind fuck me to death? Well mission a-fucking-ccomplished. Now not only do I not get any form of apology, which I feel I deserve but I get the exact opposite. Now don't get me wrong, I still stand by my decision to end our union, and I still know it was the best decision for me. But how is she able to say that to me and then move on to her life with ehr child and leave me this broken version of a man who hasn't even come anything close to having a real relationship since then.

I mean is it my own fault, that nothing in relation to the female gender has worked out since then? Do I persue the wrong people? Am I just not in the right places at the right times? Do I not take advantage of the things I should have? Or am I just destined to be alone? Am I destined just to be that nice guy that watches all of his friends around him get married and have children and have meaningful long lasting relationships while I sit on my fucking chair counseling those in relationships and getting out of relationships while my own heart is probably broken into so many pieces by now that I don't know if anyone can put it back togheter again?

I'm not saying that I don't want to be there for my friends, because I love my friends more than anything...but is it so wrong for me to want to be happy as well?

Is that so wrong?

I want someone to laugh with. I want someone to hold close at night. I want someone who will laugh at my jokes even when they aren't that funny. I want someone who will be there for me. I want someone to love. I want someone to love me back. I want someone to accept me as I am. I want someone who takes my faults and my imperfections. I just want someone who wants me for me. I want passion. I want desire. I want love.

Is that so wrong?

I'd like to think not.

Though it seems I may be asking too much. It seems like its too much for me to want to be happy. I've been trying to convince myself that nice guys don't finish last, the race is just longer for us...well I'm tired of running. Why can't the finish line come to me for once?

These are the thoughts that keep me up at night, this is why I havent't had a good night's sleep in almost a year. This is why I toss and turn. This is why I am throwing away osaked paper towels right now. This is why I look at some people who keep fucking up really good things that they have and yet seem to get more and more chances and just shake my head. This is why I look at some of my friends who get fucked over badly and think to myself hpow much better I could treat them. This is why I think to myself that a lot of the guys I know who are in relationships and treat their women like shit and want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them and scream at them to not fuck it up. Because they don't know how God damned good they have it. And I look at some of my friends and how they don't know how I see them through my eyes, and how I think they deserve the absolute best, how I never want anyone to hurt them, or to make them feel like there is anything wrong with them. But I can't do that...I can't wave my magic wand and make all their hurt and their pain go away, as much as I'd like to, even if it made me hurt more for doing it, I would.

So maybe I am destined to be alone...I don't know anymore. All I do know is that I'm rambling now and half of this probably won't make sense to me when I wake up, if I can get to sleep. So apologies again if you actually sat through and read this whole thing...I just needed to talk to someone and at this time of night the only one up is my computer monitor and the driver of the white van with candy (I swear I'll explain this joke eventually).

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Into Every Life TV Must Fall...

Greetings all 5 of you who actually probably bother to read my blog, but as per usual I am being an insomniac or simply just bored and I feel like telling you about shows that you should be watching this fall.

First off I'm going to start with the calendar days, starting with Sunday...and there are two shows you should somehow find time to watch, or cable to steal from to watch these two shows. Now of course Simpsons is coming back soon and so is Family Guy...but let's be honest if you aren't watching those shows now, there's nothing I can do to convince you. But I have one new show and one established show that you guys should check out.

True Blood

A new show from the amazing people at HBO about vampires living amongst humans in the South. Now when I first saw the previews for this I groaned a little bit and thought it would be just a constant one note joke about vampires and an excuse to show gratuitous nudity and such. But what the show actually hinders on is really an interesting take on segregation similar to how X-Men deals with it. Extraordinary people living amongst humans and being persecuted for it, always an interesting concept. The only real established star in the show is Anna Paquin as the lead role of Suki who has become smitten with one of the vampires (who by all accounts I've heard is "hot"....ladies) and the trouble they each get into with their own kind. I'm not completely sold on the show yet as its only had two episodes, but it looks promising thus far.


Yet another show from HBO worth your attention is Entourage. The reason for watching Entourage can be summed up in two words: Jeremy Piven. Anyone who is a fan of Piven from movies like PCU or Old School or remember him from Ellen but wish he would really get a spotlight role...this is it. Ari Gold is a fucking legend. Just Youtube Ari Gold and if you don't want to watch this show after five minutes of watching him in action...may God have mercy on your soul.

Moving onto Mondays, I'm going to throw out the obvious plug for Raw because its been a staple of my Monday nights since 1993, and although some shows may push it to a later viewing via DVR (see below) it always holds a special place in my heart. But first, we travel to CBS.

The Big Bang Theory

This was a show I didn't watch until half way through the season last year when it debuted but got turned onto it by one of my best friends, and I am so glad she did. This show is what geeks crave. The premise is simple a pair of geeky friends have a stupidly hot girl move in across the hall from them, hilarity ensues as they learn to interact with females. Then you throw in a few cast mates from the amazing show Roseanne, and you have comedy gold wrapped in aluminum foil, just waiting to be enjoyed nightly. The jokes are sophmoric in nature but graduate school in delivery and as long as you can keep up and release your inner nerd, it works flawlessly.

How I Met Your Mother

This show speaks for itself upon one viewing and to be honest there is only one word to sum it up: legendary.

Plus Neil Patrick Harris and Bob Saget are in it, do you really need more information than that? Watch it.

Oh yeah, there's one other show that has basically blown my mind more times than I care to count...

If you left the show, come misses you, it needs to feed...because this show is back in a big bad way ladies and gentlemen. If you've never seen it, G4 aires repeats of it, and so does, and there are other sites that web saavy people like yourselves can catch up on. This show is phenominal in all forms and fashions, bank on it.

Tuesdays and Wednesdays are night you should not be watching TV (except for perhaps ECW) because of the Wrestling Mayhem Show and Level 5, a new Heroes podcast coming to a blogtv feed near you.

But Thursday is the time for a not yet tight-wearing superhero to get through his final tasks as the last season of Smallville is upon us. The journey of young Clark Kent is almost over and now that Lex Luthor has bitten the dust (?) and Supergirl is stuck (?) in the Phantom Zone, and Lana has left Clark for seemingly the final time, the real Superman mythology should be taking place. He has a job at the Daily Planet, and he seems to have a nice little group of Superfriends. This should be a really interesting season.

And Fridays there isn't really much to speak for except for watching The Brian Kendrick on Smackdown. So that's pretty much what occupies my DVR for the week, if there's any otehr show you think I should be checking out or any shows you want to thank me for exposing you to, feel free to comment.

Peace out kiddies.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Friday 5: Amenals?

YAR!!! Although me be greatly disappointed that Ye Olde Friday 5 has nothing to do with pirates, it still be time to answer these questions 5.

1. What’s the cutest of the small, furry animals?

YAR that obviously be me little puppy known by the name of Rocky. He be a little ball of fur and adorableness.

2. What predator impresses you the most?

Well that be another easy one me mateys, that obviously be the lion. There be a reason he be called the king of the jungle.

3. After which animal will you name your professional sports team?

Har me mateys, that be The Parrots because we be talking a lot of trash to landlubbers all across the seven seas.

4. What’s an unusual animal that you know a little something about?

Alas I'm not really what ye would call Jane Goodall but I do know a thing or two about the great apes that roamed this planet many moons ago.

5. Your high school probably had some kind of mascot or symbol, but based on your memories of it, what animal should REALLY have been the emblem?

Yar, that'd probably be an anteater simply because high school sucked, see even on Talk Like A Pirate Dat I can get me a witty pun or two out there.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Like most Homework ever, this is probably late

This week’s assignment is not just a mere “What’s going on here?” exercise. Who are these men? What are they talking about? Whatever history you choose to include, only one thing is required: What bit of information is causing the look on the one man’s face?

Bob and Jasper have been friends for years, they have been through thick and thin together. They've worked together, they've been each other's best man at their weddings, they're kids and grandkids are all really close friends. In short they are the best of friends and talk about everything together, especially outside the stoop of the former factory where they met. This conversation is one they seem to have all the time, however. Jasper is pretty grounded about most things, but this one incident still sticks with him. Below is an excerpt of their conversation.

Jasper: You think you know someone...I mean my God.

Bob: Are we still on about this?

Jasper: Why yes we are, old friend. Don't tell me you didn't feel horribly betrayed too.

Bob: I did, but Jasper that happened years ago. You need to let some things go.

Jasper: I can't do it, Bob. I mean.....I loved her.

Bob: No you didn't, Jasper. You barely knew her...besides, after things turned know that's impossible.

Jasper: Well okay, maybe that was a bit much...but still we both cared about her.

Bob: I was more or less just playing along for your sake. I always sensed something was different about her.

Jasper: But did you know what secret she really had?

Bob: Of course not! Believe me, once I found out I questioned everything about myself.

Everything. My marriage, my life, my kids, my grandkids. Everything.

Jasper: You and me both friend. She...she...she just seemed so trustworthy. I thought she was one of the good guys...I thought she was one of us.

Bob: Heh, heh, heh.

Jasper: Why are you laughing?

Bob: She turned out to be more like us than you think, Jasper.

Jasper: Are you saying I'm not trustworthy?

Bob: You know exactly what I'm saying, don't make yourself out to be a martyr on this one. You got fooled...we all did.

Jasper: But I mean...

Bob: Jasper, it's can say it.

Jasper: You're's time I finally admitted

Jasper sobs uncontrollably into his arms as Bob puts his arm around his best friend

Saturday, September 13, 2008

You've Got Questions...

We've got MANswers? Really?

As I was trying to stay away from the abomination that is TNA, I saw a commercial for something that not only made me ashamed of my gender but of society in general. Now Spike TV I understand that you are a channel with very few actual real television shows, and you are simply here to appeal to the male gender's most basic naturalistic desires: sex and violence.

The shows they have on their network are TNA Impact (which I guess is supposed to appeal to guys), Pros vs. Joes, all forms of UFC programming, and any number of muscle cars or animal attack shows. Also last, but not least...the show MANswers.

In case you haven't heard of this show, the idea of the show is that it takes questions all men have but would never ask aloud and answers them through the medium of bikini clad models and midgets. After doing a bit of research the questions that this show feels is what's on the tip of all men truly truly frightens the shit out of me.

The first season of this show (yes, they've been renewed) has had such wonderful topics as: "How to tell the difference between a dealer and a narc?" "How to tell if she's a hooker or a cop?" "Fake breasts or real breasts: Who's hornier?" "Safest way to get hit by a car." and "How to bust out of handcuffs."

Now...these are just some of my personal favorites, believe me there are others. And yes, they are all completely ridiculous. Now I'm not exactly sure what to make of this because not only have I never asked any of these questions to myself, even when very inebriated, but I don't think I've ever heard any of these discussed by anyone. Does this make me less of a man, or less of a moron? I'm going to go with the latter. But if these are the questions that enough people actually tune in to find out the answers to, then there is no real question over the debate of the battle of the sexes. Sorry boys, we lose.

I've always been under the impression that women have been the dominant gender anyway, but this show MANswers really proves it to me. I can just picture the kind of beer swilling, frat boys that will sit around the TV before talking about how many skanks they are going to bang while watching MANswers and high-fiving each other when the over-masculine announcer announces exactly how to take a stripper home with you (yet another winner topic) while showing a female stripping to practically nothing.

And to reassure people that with their second season they haven't sold out and actually posed intelligent questions, here are the challenging topics they plan on tackling on their season premiere:
Can you freeze your farts and smell them later?
What animal can give you an erection for hours?
What country's army pays for fake boobs?

For shame MANswers, for shame.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Friday 5: Embrace the Random

  1. Who lets you have your way more than you should?
    My folks probably....
  2. According to the cliche, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but what’s the way to yours?
    Oh there are many ways to my heart, as it's been enlarged from all the hamburgers I eat :)

  3. What’s something that should have been put away but hasn’t been?
    The clothes I wore last nigth that are still on the floor.

  4. When did you last weigh yourself?
    I don't like scales....they're never calibrated right

  5. What do the cops in the donut shop say? :D
    I'd like a strawberry frosted and a box o' joe

Friday, September 5, 2008

Avoiding the Obvious Orange Joke Title

1. What’s your favorite orange-colored food? It's probably a very close tie between baby carrots and crunchy cheese curls

2. What’s the best way to drink orange juice? Two words: crazy straw

3. Which candy’s orange-colored pieces taste best? Yeah there's really only one answer here.....crispy M&M's

4. What are your feelings about orange soda? Same as Kel's

5. When did you last wear an orange item of clothing? I actually have an orange shirt that say 8 Bit player on it, which is pretty awesome I probably wore it a week or so ago

Monday, September 1, 2008

A Letter to 15-year-old Mad Mike

Okay, recently I was helping Miss Ashley Hoover pick out a song for her father's wedding and in doing so it brought me back many years (roughly 10 to be exact) in some of the songs I was looking at/listening to on my iPod. That and I've been watching a lot of Heroes time traveling stuff, Back to the Future, Bill and Ted, and just realized that ten years ago today...I was just starting high school. (Yes, that is a very scary thought for me) So I decided to take what I know now and sort of write a letter to my 15 year old self.

Dear Mike,

Okay now I know you will never get to read this because even if by some form of crazy Disney-esque time travel internet device, this letter makes its way to that crappy little computer loaded with Virtual Simpsons, you'll be too busy making fun of people in AOL Chat rooms to notice...but here goes nothing.

Okay let's face facts...grade school pretty much sucked for you man. Don't get mad, it sucked for most people. Granted you may not realize that now, but you will in me I know, I've asked around. Now I'm gonna get this out in the open now, some things I can tell you are gonna make you upset, some things are going to make you happy, and some things you're not going to be able to change....well at least not yet. I'm still waiting for the letter from 35-year-old Mike, I assume he has the technology in 2018, unless again the Jetsons have lied to us.

First, I'm going to get something out of the way that will cheer you up, because I know your situation with the ladies isn't really that great, you will lose your virginity by age 20. Breathe easy boy, and you're better at it than you think you will be. At least as far as I know. By the way, in case I forget...start writing more, maybe try the newspaper at Lourdes, it will lead you to some interesting places. But yeah so as far as women go, some things will improve but I'm sorry to say not for a while. You're gonna go through a lot of heartbreak and heartache. It sucks but trust me you are better off in the long run, I've seen what some of the crushes you have now have become. However there are somethings that won't change, or at least haven't yet. You still fall hard and fall fast for some women, usually very unavailable, and yes they will eventually become some of your best friends. One of the things I did inherit from you is your residency in the friend zone...don't worry I've moved some of my stuff out, but I'm still crashing there a lot. Just keep your chin up boy, remember nice guys don't finish's just a longer race for us.

Okay moving on to other things, keep in mind that at least 90% of the people you are about to meet in high school you will never hear from again after college. Don't let them know this, it would just upset them especially when they all write KIT in your yearbook and write their numbers or say "we'll chill this summer." Yeah, it's all posturing bullshit...but at least the sentiment is nice. So while you're there try some new things, I mean they are supposed to be the best years of your life...may as well enjoy them. Some things are going to take their natural course, like Dad forcing you to get a job....but don't worry it's an awesome one. You'll like it, definitely better than CYO Basketball snackroom boy. If I were you I'd give sports a try, not track and field I mean let's be realistic here. But give soccer and basketball a try....hell maybe even football, everyone always tells me I'm built like a lineman, and I know you are too.

Also, sorry man, this is going to gotta change that hair. The "flap" isn't really the "it" style anymore, it's holding you back if anything. Regardless of what Mom says, the hair looks much better short...and the ladies love it. Also as far as clothes go, I'd throw out anything that has any sort of shiny aspect to it. Yes I know you love your Dragonball Z silky button down shirt with Goku on it...but trust me on this one, reserve it for geekfests only. Oh yeah, one more thing...corduroy does not look good on us. Yeah...really.

College is a different story though, though a lot of it seems like high school with booze and no dress code, it really is a much different experience. First off...yes you drink. You like to drink...sometimes a lot. And when someone later in life mentions a fishbowl, do not turn it down. It is nectar of gods. And yes there are some people that like wrestling there and dare I say will watch it with you. Also again...stick with the newspaper thing, it will serve you well in the long run, probably the reason I'm actually writing this letter to you right now. Your friends in college are a lot different from your friends in high school, you do hang out with much more of them even after you all move to various parts of the five boroughs and beyond. By the way, you do live in New York City, and your place is awesome. College is a lot tougher than high school academic-wise so ease up on the video games a bit...or at least attempt to. But overall, I'd say it's a rewarding experience. I've certainly learned a lot about myself and I am imparting this knowledge onto you...though by the time you actually do get to write this, it will all be too late again. But I think I've let out enough spoilers for you, however I'll leave you with a few little nuggets of info, especially things you may be confused about.

If you ever need help with anything, Mom and Dad will always be there for you.
Erika becomes less annoying over time...kinda.
Women become more confusing over time.
Don't resort to violence in living situations...remember just outwit them with your cunning and razor wit.
You still have your razor wit...just don't laugh at your own material.
Masturbating does not make you go blind.
Go to Pittsburgh when the time is right, there are some amazing people there.
What happens in Vegas, becomes stories of legend...despite what you may have heard.
Stop worrying about prom nights, very overrated if you ask me.
Don't drink rum...stick with vodka.
Calling someone "sir" is now no longer simply a sign of respect.
I'm still a relatively happy, well adjusted man, so you aren't screwing things up too matter how hard it seems sometimes.
Wear sunscreen. (this is a joke you'll get by the time you're a senior)

And well this one is something I'm still trying to do myself....if you feel something, express it. Don't hold it inside, don't wait, don't let the moment pass you by, because sometimes'll never get another shot at that moment, and you'll never know what could have happened.

Take care of myself Mike. See me in ten years.


Friday, August 29, 2008

Friday 5: Stickiness

1.What was the last song that stuck in your brain and wouldn’t go away?'s in my brain and it won't leave but I like it that way

2.What’s something that sticks around long after you wish it would leave?
Memories of ex-girlfriends...

3.To what use did you put your last sticky note?
When I was at work I'd use them all the time for sample numbers

4.When did you last have Pixy Stix?
At Aidan's birthday party and oh man are they excellent (for the record, Aidan is my buddy Alicia's 4 year old son)

5.What is something you are a stickler for?
I don't know I don't think I'm really a stickler for anything....

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Friday 5 is as Friday 5 does...

1. What’s something really, really stupid you’ve done that could easily have resulted in your own death

My own death? Probably driving when I was really tired about a year or so ago....never a good idea.

2. What makes you feel stupid?

Anytime I go off on a little rant or tangent and it turns out the whole basis of my argument was flawed from the start.

3. What’s something that’s stupid in a very smart way?

Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Homestar Runner

4. What’s an example of a stupid idea working out in a way that solved a problem?

When I was looking for a place of my own I relied on someone who isn't exactly reliable on leaving her place and when she didn't I ended up with the place I have now at a far reduced rate, so I'd say everything worked out for the best.

5. There is apparently a brand of packaged popcorn called Smartfood. What might be found in the package labeled Stupidfood?

2 Fishbowls.....

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Teenage? Check. Mutant? Check. Turles? Check. Ninja? Ninja...really?

Okay, before this post commences I would like to thank Miss Ashley Hoover (Listen to her at weeknights at 7 plug) for the idea for this blog, even though she didn't know what can of worms she opened in my head.

The can of worms happened one night in college when my friend Danny and I were very bored and my roommate Joe was busy listening to his music. I had recently received the first six episodes of one of my favorite shows of all time: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. We decided to pull out some alcohol and watch all the episodes and analyze them with a critical mind, just to see if the show holds up.

Fortunately the show more than holds up despite the corniness of it...however in analyzing it, we realized how naive we were as youngsters. The first episode alone provides so many points of questioning that I would love to know how we bought it as kids. First off, the entire premise of the TMNT is a bit interesting and hard to swallow.

As Splinter explains their origin he tells April that "I knew the outside world would consider them freaks, so I trained them in the art of ninjitsu" (no I didn't need to turn on the DVD to get the exact quote, I'm just that cool/nerdy). Now the question I posed is why exactly would four walking, talking turtles knowing ninjitsu make them any less freaky to the outside world? I mean although they would be able to defend themselves, what other reason would Splinter have to teach them ninjitsu other than it was really the only skill he had? Keeping that in mind, why keep them in a big city atmosphere like New York in the first place? Wouldn't it be much more convenient to move them all to a place where at least there was a most hospitable life style for the turtles to acclimate themselves to?

There are a whole array of other questions I could ask about the turtles and their archnemesis Shredder. Such as how exactly do the turtles pay for pizza delivery? How does Shredder have cameras with perfect audio and video located on every street corner and even in the sewers of New York City, yet he still can't seem to find the turtles lair? With all the tunnels that the Technodrome and the transport modules have dug under the city, wouldn't there be long standing damage? Or how about the subway lines, wouldn't there be huge gaping holes in most of the lines?

I guess what I'm trying to get at by this very simple example, is to not believe everything you see on TV, no matter how pure you think it is. This could apply to the news, politics, drama seris, anything...just always remember to keep questioning and keep learning, to make yourself a better person. Now if you'll excuse me, tonight I dine on turtle soup.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Friday 5: Waste Not, Want Not?

1. What did you last replace batteries for?

My camera for the Yankee game I went to tonight, awesome seats despite the Yanks picking up an L (don't snicker too much Ashley)

2. What have you thrown away that you probably could have had repaired?

My last watch, just got a new one exactly like it...calculator watches ftw

3. Among items in your line of sight right now, what should probably be put in the trash?

My backstage pass to TNA that I was never able to use...

4. When did you last use disposable cutlery while dining in your house?

Oh wow.....haven't used it in a long time. I don't think I even use it when I order out.

5. Whose actions cause you to waste time you otherwise wouldn’t waste?

Probably the people who write out the friday5 questions each week. ;)

Monday, August 11, 2008

Silence is golden?

It's not often that I get inspiration for a blog from a Myspace survey, but that's what happened last night.

The question posed was what was the last word you said aloud?

Seems like an easy one right? Well not for someone who lives alone. Every time I see something like that I realize how little I talk out loud when I'm at home. I mean I still have loads of conversations with a bunch of friends and everything but 90% of them are done through the series of tubez known as the internet.

I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this seemingly lack of oral communication that seems to happen from time to time. I mean sure I could scream at video games or the television but it does kinda seem a bit odd because when you enunciate yourself aloud, you are usually looking for a response of some form and living alone, there is no one to fill that void.

Is this some form of saying that phone conversations have now become passe? Back when I was a little kid, anytime you wanted to talk to a friend or something like that you had to use the rotary dial phone and get the phone with the extra long cord and pull it into a room where no one else could hear your secret conversations (I'm really dating myself here I realize). But these days, you have so many forms of soundless communication. Texts messages, instant messaging services, twitter, even blogs have almost supplanted the subtle science of the spoken word.

I'm not sure if this has any cultural relevance to how the human family has evolved or anything like that...and I'd have time to think about it, but my phone is sending em twitters left and right so I guess I'll cut it off here for now.

......See what I did there?

Have a good week kids.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Friday 5: Let's go to the Movies!

In Citizen Kane, the main character’s last word before dying is “Rosebud,” which is discovered later to be the name of a favorite childhood sled. The idea is that this rich, powerful, hated man, in his last moment, finds himself thinking of happy, innocent times. If the film were about your life, what word might you utter in similar sentiment?

Wow, that's a tough call. I mean how does one who doesn't turn into an evil corrupt individual summarize innocence and happiness into one word especially if you still feel at least mostly that way now? I guess I'd have to go with something extremely random from my childhood that always makes me smile, how about "Technodrome."? Worst case scenario, I could always make up a word and then just have some people spend the rest of their lives trying to decipher it. That would be a lot of fun.

In Groundhog Day, the main character is forced to live the same day again and again until he has learned to love others and to love himself. If you found yourself in an endless loop, living one day repeatedly until you learned the lesson that was holding you back, what would that lesson be?

Sweep the leg.

In Freaky Friday, a mother and daughter who have difficulty understanding each other find themselves each living the other’s life (occupying the other’s body and everything!). If this were to happen to you for similar reasons, whose body would you wake up in?

Anyone else's shoes? Derek Jeter....without the VD.

In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones has to jump into an underground room filmed with the one thing that freaks him out: snakes. “Why did it have to be snakes?” he asks. If the movie were about you, what would you see in the underground room?

Klan members

In Sideways, the main character is asked to explain his love for wine made from a certain grape. As he describes the grape, we realizes he is also describing himself, saying that it must be carefully tended and that it is easily damaged. If the film were about you, what passion (hobby, food, collectible, or activity, for example) would you describe and how would you describe it so that you were also describing yourself?

I'm gonna say professional wrestling. It's certainly a passion of mine, and it really encompasses everything. At times wrestling can get stale, seeing the same matches over and over again can get boring much like life sometimes. But there is also passion, drama, excitement, horror, almost any human emotion you can feel can be felt in wrestling. It's the male version of a soap opera with a lot of athleticism thrown into the mix. At times you can feel like the Macho Man when he married Miss Elizabeth at Summerslam 92, or you can feel like Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania 20 when Trish made out with Christian. Sometimes you can be as noble as John Cena, or as vicious as Kane when his mask was removed. Any true fan of wrestling can parallel any aspect of their life with some storyline or character or gimmick in pro wrestling. And apparently I can too.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008



Let go.





We wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Well whichever term you like, that's my current state right now.

It's an odd feeling, a feeling that I personally have never experienced in my life before, and a state in my life that I haven't been in roughly since I was in 9th Grade. I am unemployed with no discernible sense of income for the time being. When I was in 9th Grade I started my first ever job: working at Toys R Us. It seemed like the perfect fit at the time. It was a part time gig, got to essentially make my own hours, and I got a sweet discount and was able to get all the prime toys. I got to experience a lot, got to work with kids and make them laugh, and best of all, it provided immediate job satisfaction. The look of joy on a parent's or child's face when you got them exactly what toy they were looking for made that job worth every minimum wage dollar, and it was the reason I would go back during college specifically during the Christmas rush.

And my second job was another part time deal that I did during off hours at Toys R Us which was tutoring some of my friends during high school. I was lucky enough to be the guy that could (at least seemingly) fit in with any clique in high school, so when the cheerleaders needed help in math, chem, bio, basically any subject I was the one they turned to for help. Needless to say, that wasn't too bad of a gig either.

College was quite kind to me career wise as well. Sure, I could have just as easily gone back to Toys R Us but I started to pad my resume at IBM with several internships. I went back and forth between the two IBM site back home and made some good money from it. But to be honest, none of the careers there really seemed to click with me. I'm not sure if I just didn't get enough time to really get to work there considering each session was only three months, or if I was simply distracted for the most part. But I was only mildly peaked by two out of the four internships there.

Right after I graduated college, I had another internship for IBM, but more than that I also had another job coming my way that I had a lot of fun with. I became the organic lab assistant for my Alma mater Manhattan College. Now granted, I was just starting my graduate school so this job wasn't going to be anything permanent but it enabled me to stay busy, learn more about chemistry and make a lot of really cool friends. The best part about that job was being able to actually help kids learn organic chemistry. And a lot of the kids there were really cool just to hang out with and chill, many of them I'm still friends with today. And they all say that the organic classes when I was there they learned a lot more and had a lot more fun at the same time, and in the long run isn't that really what it's all about.

As my grad classes neared their conclusion I knew the inevitable would come. I had to eventually find a job. So, the interview process began. My classic suit was donned over and over again for interviews, career fairs, and other such related things in order to sell my services to any company out there that would take me. I finally landed at Wyeth Pharmaceuticals. I never saw myself in pharmaceuticals before, but then again I never really knew what kind of profession I saw myself in. But when I got there, I made a whole bunch of really good friends and I gained a lot of experience both internally about the field and about myself. They helped me pay off for most of the rest of my Master's degree and I was able to get a lot of good knowledge from everyone there. And then this past Monday, I was brought in to my second line manager's office and promptly told to pack my shit and go.

And now here I sit.

Basically with nothing to do for work for the first time since 9th grade.

And part of me really wants to get right back out there and get interviewing again and to find something bigger and better.

But for now...I am sort of looking forward to just taking a well-deserved break.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Friday Five: Delayed Due to Mayhem

1. Of television programs that aired before you were born, what’s your favorite?

Hmmm aired before I was born, well I really enjoyed Get Smart. I would watch it all the time when it was on Nick at Night. I loved the sheer humor of it and Don Adams was hilarious. Also when I was really little I used to fall asleep to reruns of I Love Lucy and the Honeymooners, both fantastic shows.

2. What person of historical significance was from your neighborhood or city?

I know Samuel F. B. Morse grew up around my area and former President Frankin Delano Roosevelt I think did too.

3. What’s a story that’s often been told about someone in your family in the years before you came along?

Probably the first time my dad met my mom, is really the most often heard story. My dad was a big drinker back in the day. And when he met my mom at a bar he was (as he puts it) more than three sheets to the wind. And apparently he was talking to my mom for so much that my mom kind of got annoyed with him because of how drunk he was. And my dad said he wouldn't stop talking to her until he got her number. Apparently my mom hadn't heard the little trick of giving out fake numbers then, so she gave him her number. My dad, being as drunk as he was didn't want to forget it, so he went right out to his mom's car, pulled out a Sharpee and wrote her number on the dashboard. My dad then drove home (which he reminds me every time not to do) and my grandmother screamed at him in the morning. My dad thought something happened to the car because he doesn't remember parking and such. But then my grandmother asked who's number that was scrawled on her dashboard. My dad said it was the girl he's going to marry.

Yeah us Rohrssen men are real romantics. ;)

4. Which of previous generations’ dumb mistakes (in deed or thought) baffles you the most?

Well, if I had to pick one thing I'd say slavery is probably the biggest and most colossal blunder any nation has ever done.

5. What aspect of life in the good old days would you love to see a return to?

I wish children were more innocent nowadays. I mean I'm not saying that kids shouldn't be informed of more adult topics and things of that nature, but I never walked around school and had my friends in 3rd and 4th grade own short shorts with "Juicy" written on the ass. I mean I don't think I was that naive where some of my pop idols were taking barely clothed myspace pictures of each other. I mean we never heard of a Zachary Ty Bryan sex tape or Larisa Oleynik getting pregnant. I think it is just that adults these days have tried to censor so many things about pop culture that it has overhyped the sex drives of kids today where they dress like complete whores and don't notice it.

*As always, the Friday 5 questions were taken from If you join the fun, be sure to let me know so I can add you to the link list! And don’t forget to send those questions in that you’re itching for us to answer! Don’t worry, we’ll gladly pimp your blog for the effort.

Friday, August 1, 2008

I lost a bet....

The Boston Red Sox have finally ditched that dreadlocked piece of dead weight Manny Ramirez and have taken the final step towards repeating in the World Series.

Yes that's right, I said ditching Manny Ramirez will help the Sox win the World Series. You see the Red Sox pretty much had all the pieces aligned, but with Manny being Manny it is costing them a distraction. What happened in the 2006 season? Manny "decided" he was hurt and stopped playing when he realized he wanted more money and those damn Yankees won the division again and we didn't even get to the damn playoffs. And now the ship seemed to right itself again with the best closer in the history of the game on our team now and a core of young pitching plus a golden goose brought from the rising sun, we won the World Series yet again by sweeping up what was left of Rocktober.

Yes indeed, and if it wasn't for David Tyree putting superglue on his helmet Beantown would have had the best year in the history of sports, but now we come to this year and it's not cute Manny being Manny anymore, it's Manny being an asshole. He is a 10-year-old child trapped in a multimillionaire's body. I mean going into the hallowed green monster to take a leak, answering a cell phone on the field, high-fiving someone in the much do we pay this guy?

But now, Mr. Ex-Manager of the Enemy...he is your problem. And the great city of Boston can move on to destroy the Wannabe Rays and the Evil Empire. Because you see now we have Jason Bay, a guy who will help lead the team to numerous World Series' and he'll be hitting right there with Big Papi who is getting his swing back to form just like the Papi who crushed the hopes and dreams of all the Yankee fans in 2004. The Rays who we let get a head start will come back into our hallowed hall (one that isn't getting torn down...New York, heh heh) and we will give them a spanking like the young upstarts they are. Then we'll head down to the Trop and show them what happens when you get to the second half of the baseball year and your deal without the Devil finally falls flat. So keep those tickets for the Halloween show at Sea World down there, because I'm afraid you won't be as busy as you'd like to be in October.

And now this leads me to the Chokees. Listen up boys, if you think guys named Ponson and Marte are going to be saviors for your season, then you are sadly mistaken. In case you have a short memory we still have the greatest postseason starting pitcher in history, a guy younger than anyone on your roster who has beaten cancer and pitched a no-hitter for God's sake, and one of the greatest clutch hitters of all time. And you have Mr. Madonna, Juiced-on Giambi, your STD filled shortstop, Sour Melk, your new guy Xavier Nada, Lil' Pudgy, leftovers from Philly, and oh yeah that closer we always hit clutch hits off of....greatest of all time my ass, oh yeah and not to mention the only played on your team we actually used to have respect for is injured for the first time in his career, way to fuck that one up Girardi. By the way, Joba....the Youk's on you next time, you chubby cheeked bastard. Have fun floundering in obscurity Chokees, because when you stare up I-95 you will see a new stat. Championships since 2001 Sawks: 3 Chokees: zip.

Suck it New York, suck on our cawks.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Worktime Randomness Version 2.0

Superpowers are an interesting topic of conversation. They can really give someone an insight into how that person truly wishes they could act. If you want to know a lot about that person, ask them if they could have any superpower what would it be.

Sure comic books geeks like myself may overanalyze and try to come up with some sort of power that has multiple uses that have been defined before in some sort of comic universe (i.e. using telekinesis can also give you the ability to fly is you focus on moving yourself) and maybe that's an indictment that the geeks of the world have to try and take as much as they can if given something.

Let's take a look at someone who would choose super strength. Now granted, like most superpowers, super strength would come in handy. Being able to move objects no mortal should be able to move is something which man has been trying to replicate for eons with simple designs like fulcrums and levers to complex thing like cranes and other construction equipment. But why would someone choose super strength? Most likely they would associate the strength with someone such as Superman...but the only difference is, who would actually use a super strength gift for doing good deeds in the world? My bet is that people who would take super strength fall into the realm of two different people. The first would be the bully you knew growing up. The guy who always believed that as long as he could beat someone up he could win any arguement put in front of him. Now the second would be the exact opposite of that, the kid who got beat up in grade school. The bullies of the world generally aren't too intelligent and believe that the strength is just a natural extension of their presumed awesomeness, but the guy that got bullied...well therein lies something darker, more dangerous than any bully. You see the bullied kids are really the ones you have to be afraid of because, when we are young a lot of how we deal with things are instilled in us during our formidable years in grammar school and even high school. If a kid who is constantly bullied all the time is the typical kid like that, they won't stand up against the bully...because of fear of getting their ass kicked again. Thus a lot of pent up hostility builds inside this person, and unless they have maybe a proper outlet for it (i.e. some sort of outdoor activity or even a real violent video game) it can cause a serious problem. Now take that child, and give him the strength of 1,000 bullies and see exactly what he does with it. I can almost guarantee that it wouldn't be pretty. In fact, make matters worse and put that kid back in high school, and see what would happen. I, for one, would make sure I was friends with the kids who were bullied...just to be on the safe side. Now I know what you are thinking, what about heroes like Superman and Spider-man, who had superhuman strength in high school? There are obvious exceptions to the rule and I'm not saying every kid that is bullied would turn into a crazed roid rage freak, but even the good kids like Peter Parker and Clark Kent had their moments where they would use only a slight hint of their strength to embarrass a Flash Thompson type bully. So not everyone is perfect.

Anyone who would choose invisibility is quite frankly a pervert. They just want to be able to sneak into places that they aren't allowed (i.e. locker rooms, dressing rooms, etc.) Anyone who says anything to the contrary is a liar.

Telepathy is also an interesting choice. I mean who wouldn't want to know what someone is thinking, especially if you were say, a lawyer, or someone who's relationship was falling apart or something akin to that. But telepathy is quite possibly one of the most dangerous abilities to have. Look at Charles Xavier, for instance. Professor X is probably one of the most powerful characters in the entire Marvel Universe simply because he can enter anyone's mind he wishes, barring a specially designed helmet (i.e. Magneto and Juggernaut) and do whatever he wishes. If Xavier simply just wanted to find out what you were holding in a game of Hold 'Em or make you think you were a pretty ballerina, he could do it without moving a muscle. Granted Xavier is an enlightened enough individual to not let these abilities of his go to his head, but someone like Matt Parkman from Heroes...well let's just say that he isn't as noble. This is one of the reason I think Heroes is such an amazing show as it really takes the flaws that normal humans have and show how they can abuse their gifts for their own well being. Matt can force someone to talk in an interrogation room. Claire can fake dying to make a drunk cheerleader rival seem crazy. Hiro can time travel to try and fix anything that has gone wrong in his life. And Peter...well he can basically do whatever the fuck he wants. You know in hindsight as I'm writing this, maybe Heroes was the reason I decided to go off on the evils that could happen if you ask someone what superpower they would have.

As for me...I've given this a lot of thought, but my superpower would be always able to find a terrific parking spot.

Sports movies are a lot of fun to watch...but not terribly realistic. For instance, I've still never been able to tell if Henry Rowengartner and Rick Vaughn were starters, middle relievers, or closers. And believe me I've seen these movies a lot. Also why does it always seem that the starters we've been picked to cheer for (i.e. Chet Stedman or Tony Danza) can always seemingly pitch complete games. I mean there's never an interesting cut scene looking for a guy to eat up two or three innings even when a loss is assured for the team, or no setup guys or closers warming in the pen. That being said, I'm going to do something that's a bit weird. I'm going to have a fantasy sports draft...not for any sport in particular, just a top ten list if you will of who I would pick for any various sports teams that I would be running.

1. Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez - Yeah Benny is my number one draft pick simply because the man can do no wrong on a Sandlot. He can play every position and can literally find any spot in the outfield he wants to hit a ball to. Plus he crushed the guts out of a have to respect the Jet Power.

2. Adam Sandler - Now I know Adam is a real person, but I'm talking just his general body of work in movies. He won big games for The Mean Machine and the Bourbon Bowl for the Mud Dogs, the man is an avid golfer with a huge drive, and a very mediocre hockey player. He can apply a really tight sleeper hold, has coached peewee basketball, plus he seems to have an extensive martial arts and boxing background, and he kills mother fuckers on a dodgeball court. If there was ever truly a new Bo Jackson, Adam Sandler would be it....and oh yeah he could also sing at halftime.

3. Air Bud - No one will tackle a dog or be bale to box him out. I rest my case.

4. Becky "The Ice Box" O'Shea - She's Lawrence Taylor with tits folks, she was able to singlehandedly stop Spike Hammersmith, a man who is able to drag opposing players while still running at full speed. Plus....she's pretty hot now.

5. Henry Rowengartner - This draft pick seems obvious simply because of the heater he can throw and his obvious skills as a cheerleader from the bench. But this comes with an asterisk, it would have to be for the American League...I don't want and "pitcher's got a big butt" chants on my team.

6. Matthew/Martha - Now I know as Americans we don't really regard soccer as an actual sport. It's merely a past time that parents subject their children to when they are younger to make sure they eat plenty of oranges and actually wake up before noon on Saturdays. But Matthew is essentially like the Kobe Bryant of soccer, he is extremely skilled and once he learns to make his teammates better especially the very underratedly hot Penny Pester, there's no one on the field that can touch him. Plus...he is a master of disguise.

7. Adam Banks - Yes he may be a cake eater, and he may not have any charisma whatsoever...nor does he get the cheesy overtone music when he does something good. But he is the skill player that doesn't draw a lot of attention you need on any good team.

8. Lola Bunny - Sure...she wasn't the MVP of the Tune Squad as that title obviously belonged to Michael Jordan. And granted she's probably not as durable considering Bugs took a dive for her, but she is a cartoon character which gives her longevity, and she is a relative unknown but obviously has an extensive athletic background. And all you have to do is encourage opponents to call her "doll."

9. Willy Mays Hayes - He plays like Mays and he runs like Hayes, plus we have a very big budget for black batting gloves. He also did a movie with "The Governing Body" Jesse Ventura (yes, I'm going to pitch that idea to him...eventually), so you have to respect that.

10. Rudy - Everyone loves an underdog baby. Plus he got to play what two or three plays maximum, I'd utilize him better than that.

Honorable Mentions: Shane Falco, Rod Tidwell, Coop Cooper, Hayley Graham, Kate Peach

As far as a coach, it's a tough call between Gordon Bombay, Lou Brown, and Herman Boone. But I'd have to take Boone as my head coach with Brown as the assistant coach. Bombay can easily be distracted by a hot blonde, and if Boone takes football nut Hayden Panitierre with him (which he will), then Bombay is no use to me. General Manager of the team would be Jimmy McGinty because he isn't afraid to take chances on guys who have failed in the he finds guys that are "wiry." And my announce team would consist of Harry Doyle and Jim Ross, the wealth of knowledge and humor they would provide would be amazing.

Well I think that's all for this blog post this time around, feel free to comment if you disagree with any of my thoughts and musings. Oh and a gold star goes to one Mr. Doc Remedy who identified last week's quote as being from "Istanbul to Constantinople" by They Might Be Giants and from a Tiny Toons music video (which is out on DVD now, buy it if you have any semblance of a childhood).

This week's quote is an easier one I'd think: "37? I'm 37?" Gold star to the first one who comments with the correct answer.

Happy blogging kids.