The "A" List....obviously
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Miss Papuga's Homework: Once Upon A Time
All right, boys and girls… Vacation is over!
It’s been a while since our last homework assignment, and I’m thrilled to see folks still posting their responses to the older assignments. I’m still considering a way to properly celebrate all of your fantastic responses here on the site, so if you have any ideas let me know! Okay, time to get down to business. For reasons that shall remain mysterious, I have recently become re-obsessed with Fairy Tales. Because I can’t get them out of my head, I’m going to infect you all as well!
One of my favorite assignments to give out has always been part of my Adaptations class, and I’m dying to know how you creative folks would approach it. Consider, for a moment, the traditional Fairy Tale. Usually you have an inanimate object at the heart of the story. Take, for example, Cinderella. You have a glass slipper causing all sorts of conflict and trouble. Some Fairy Tales have more than one (even in Cinderella, you can think of the Carriage, etc). You even have peripheral characters who appear but don’t have much to say. Fairy Tales are all about imagination, the fantasy world, and giving life and importance to things outside of the norm. (Okay, I’m not going to rant about the didactic nature of Fairy Tales, or the symbolism here. That’s an altogether different post. Let’s stick to the fun, hmm?)
Once upon a time…
You homework this week is to think about one fairy tale (I don’t care if it’s the Brothers Grimm, Anderson, or even Disney’s masterful theft), and reconsider the story from the point of view of either an inanimate object (Glass slipper, anyone?), or one of the peripheral characters (Maybe the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio). Retell your condensed version of the story either in the comments, or on your own site.
Okay since I'm not all to familiar with the Grimm's or Anderson's tales I'm going to use the only source of fairy tales I know of, Disney. And since my favorite Disney movie is Aladdin, I'm going to use Aladdin's little simian buddy Abu.
Abu is laying on a roof in the Marketplace of Argabah on what is seemingly a nomral day. What follows is the internal monoogue of what goes on in this curious little monkey's mind over the next couple of days.
Man, is it good to be a thief. Me and Al we got this shit locked down to a science. He sets them up I knock them down, and vice versa. Wait...damn it guards. Looks like we're gonna have to make a run for it. Honestly, I don't mind...but I wish I could just slap Al every time he spontaneously breaks into song when we are trying to escape. I mean I know the dude has my back and all, but doesn't he recognize that song makes it easier for them to follow us.
...Though it is kinda catchy, damn it.
Abu and Aladdin go through a daring escape in the marketplace only to find themselves parachuting down into an abandoned alleyway to safety.
Ugh...we really need to stop escaping to places where there are little kids who look even more destitute than we are, shit's getting tiresome.
Hey! Wait Al! Oh man where the fuck is he going?
Jeez...there are parades for that bitch princess every day it seems, this is no different. Why is he drawn to that shit? I mean it just leads to...yup, thrown in the mud. Oh wait, he's making a pun, I better laugh.
After heading back to their "loft" Abu sleeps comfortably as Aladdin sings yet another song about making it big someday. In the morning Al and his monkey pal are back in the marketplace looking to scam some food that evaded them the day before.
Okay let me run the strategy down, he distracts the guard I swipe all the apples I can...wait, what's he looking at?
Christ she just stole right in front of everyone, well punishment should be fun to watch...oh Christ. Of course Mr. hero has to go try and save her. Well while there's a scene I may as well help myself.
As Aladdin tried to talk the disguised Jasmine out of trouble, our simian hero runs around stealing coins and apples from everywhere in sight.
Oh great...Al is winging it, I just better play along and not blow this cover. Hey...the chick isn't a bad actress, and she's now bowing before me.
Kneel Before Zod!!!
Weird, I'm not even sure how I know that reference.
Oh crap! My bad! The loot spilled! Bail! Bail!
Abu, Al, and Jasmine speed away through the marketplace and they go through the back route to get to the roofs of Agrabah.
I swear this bitch better not stick around for too long, me and Al had a good thing going. She's only going to cause us trouble...well trouble we can't get out of. Crap...what's that noise?
At this moment guards come storming up into Aladdin's home. Abu runs off out of sheer fright. Aladdin and Jasmine leap from his home, however, right into the arms of the head palace guard. Jasmine's identity is revealed, as Abu watches on from the rooftops and carefully follows where the guards take Aladdin.
Jesus, I knew this was going to backfire on him. Never trust a pretty face I always say...then again, I don't speak English audibly, so he wouldn't get it. Ah well at least I can sneak into the palace pretty quickly. Not like this would be the first time he's landed in the dungeons.
Ah, there it is!
Ok I'll just slide through these bars and...
Abu frees Aladdin and the old man in the dungeon takes him to the Cave of Wonders. Aladdin is looking for the lamp, while Abu is just roaming around.
Hot diggity daffodils, look at all this loot. Sucks that I can't tough a single bit of it...though personally I think it's bullshit. If I see something amazing I'm taking it. Damn why does it feel like there's something sneaking up behind me?
Holy fuck....someone...just took....my hat...
Ah! It's a fucking carpet!!
The fucking carpet is moving! Al!
Jeez, you just accept anything if it doesn't look harmful. Fine you stay with the self moving furniture item, I'm going to look around a bit...holy...holy....holy balls. Look at that ruby!
I'm going for it! Let go of me you stupid throw rug!
Voice of the Cave: YOU HAVE TOUCHED THE FORBIDDEN TREASURE! NOW YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!!
Abu and Al escape the lava tidal wave, and Abu manages to grab the lamp before the cave shuts permanently.
Saving your ass yet again, though I don't know what's so special about the lamp. Not that it matters at this point since we're probably gonna die in here....wow, that's a big blue dude.
A genie eh? Damn I wish I could speak so I could wish for something...I kinda also wish this dude would just stop talking for five seconds. It sounds like he has A.D.D. and diarrhea of the mouth. Oh well at least Al talked us out of here.
Damn! That sun is bright, but it's good to know we are out. I'm gonna stretch a bit, while they're talking about bull shit wishes Al will never waste on me anyway.
Wait...why is he looking at me like that?
Something doesn't smell right about this...
Don't point that finger at me!
Stop saying jibberish!
AHHHHHHH! I'm being turned into....
Abu has been turned into an elephant and is now crashing through the doors of the palace in Agrabah.
I hate this, while he's trying to mack it to a chick that's already obviously into him, I'm stuck here sitting bitch with a carpet, and her pet tiger. A pet tiger who kinda looks at me like I'm some sort of buffet.
Being an elephant sucks balls, eh but at least I'm always packed for a trip.
Damn, that joke doesn't even sound funny as an elephant.
I can't even keep tabs on my buddy. I mean I'm not on his shoulder to save his ass, who knows what he's getting up to.
Meanwhile Aladdin is arrested by Jafar, thrown in the lake to drown.
You know, they say elephants never forget...but I don't even remember what I had for lunch, that hasn't even two hours ago. What bullshit.
Genie saves Aladdin, and Al exposes Jafar as a traitor to the Sultan. Jasmine and Al agree to marry but now we are taken to Al's room where he is talking about his third wish.
Look at this guy, the second he gets me turned into a damned elephant, he almost gets himself drowned. Tell me again how great it is to have a monkey sidekick. And now he's being a little bitch and not going to free the Genie. God I'd sove love to give him the Outbreak monkey bite right now...yet another reference I was unaware that I knew of, go figure.
Jafar has become a sorcerer due to the stolen lamp. Jafar is now attacking the Sultan, Al, Jasmine, and the entire court.
I'll trample that pointy bearded mother fucker Al, don't you worry! Oh...shit, hey wait! I'm me again!
Great, now I'm a tiny little monkey against a huge mega wizard...this really just is not my day. And why do I suddenly crave peanuts, I didn't have any as an elephant and now I want some...Jesus.
Jafar has now sent Aladdin, carpet and Abu to Siberia in the tower of the palace.
FUCK IT'S COLD!!!!
Carpet flies our heroes back to Agrabah...surprisingly quickly. Abu and Aladdin are now trying to sneak up on Jafar, to get the lamp.
Oh good this is just like old times, only I finally get to take down that fucking bird that sounds like the dude from Problem Child. Booyaka bitch!
Go get that lamp Al, my boy! I got him! Shit, wait, OW! That fucker bit me!
And now...I'm a toy monkey...clanging cymbals...I'm not even supposed to be here today...
Aladdin saves the day...you know how it goes. And everyone lives happily ever after.
Dude, next time you see a pretty girl in the marketplace...I'm just gonna bite her and give her AIDS, so none of this shit will happen again. Now someone get me some God damned grapes!