Okay apologies in advance, because this could perhaps be very long winded and at some points very heavy. I'm warning you now, if that isn't your sort of deal, you may as well stop reading now. Because it's not been a good couple of weeks and now that I'm drinking...verbal diarrhea is to follow.
Well it's officially been over three months since I was laid off, and let me tell you I probably couldn't have "picked" a worse time to get laid off. You know when I said I was sort of looking forward to some time off? Guess what? I've had enough time off, and it's finally settling in that this is really the first time I've ever had no true form of income. I've probably sent out about a hundred resumes and have barely heard a sniff out of it. Save for a potential interview in the Burgh and a potential interview in middle Jersey, I feel like every time I send out a resume it's just like I'm back in the 7th grade parties asking girls to dance. Failure every time.
I mean granted I know I could be a lot worse off. I know there are hundreds of thousands of people in this country, and millions in this world who don't have it nearly as good as I do. I still have my health, I still have a whole bunch of great friends, I still have some money saved in the bank (granted its slowly depleting but some), and my folks still back me up with anything I could need help with. But at the same time its just incredibly frustrating to know, that the seven years I spent busting my ass, pulling all nighters, sacrificing myself and my life, to get two pieces of paper that no one will even give a second glance to.
I know its just a matter of time and I should sit and be patient. But my patience is wearing thin, and waiting is getting harder and harder. My sleep habits are getting worse and I feel more and more like a failure every day.
It's almost the same as my personal life...but that's another blog I guess, two bottles of wine are gone, it's 4:12 so I just sent Ashley a wake up text, and I should get to my usual routine of laying in bed for an hour and a half trying to sleep.
I just want to be happy, is that so much to ask?