Saturday, November 22, 2008

Friday 5: The H without the 5 W's

1. How’s your health?

Health is pretty good, I mean I could stand to lose a little weight, but I could sit to not do so also

2. How was your day?

Not too bad today actually, went to Buffalo Wild Wings, saw Wall.E (amazing film btw), and played mario party

3. How’s the weather?

Cold, but I'd like a little snow

4. How do you expect to get anywhere in life with an attitude like that?

That's awfully judgmental for a third person omniscient

5. How many people made you smile today?

Probably three or four :)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I'm Drinking and Blogging...this should get interesting

Okay apologies in advance, because this could perhaps be very long winded and at some points very heavy. I'm warning you now, if that isn't your sort of deal, you may as well stop reading now. Because it's not been a good couple of weeks and now that I'm drinking...verbal diarrhea is to follow.

Well it's officially been over three months since I was laid off, and let me tell you I probably couldn't have "picked" a worse time to get laid off. You know when I said I was sort of looking forward to some time off? Guess what? I've had enough time off, and it's finally settling in that this is really the first time I've ever had no true form of income. I've probably sent out about a hundred resumes and have barely heard a sniff out of it. Save for a potential interview in the Burgh and a potential interview in middle Jersey, I feel like every time I send out a resume it's just like I'm back in the 7th grade parties asking girls to dance. Failure every time.

I mean granted I know I could be a lot worse off. I know there are hundreds of thousands of people in this country, and millions in this world who don't have it nearly as good as I do. I still have my health, I still have a whole bunch of great friends, I still have some money saved in the bank (granted its slowly depleting but some), and my folks still back me up with anything I could need help with. But at the same time its just incredibly frustrating to know, that the seven years I spent busting my ass, pulling all nighters, sacrificing myself and my life, to get two pieces of paper that no one will even give a second glance to.

I know its just a matter of time and I should sit and be patient. But my patience is wearing thin, and waiting is getting harder and harder. My sleep habits are getting worse and I feel more and more like a failure every day.

It's almost the same as my personal life...but that's another blog I guess, two bottles of wine are gone, it's 4:12 so I just sent Ashley a wake up text, and I should get to my usual routine of laying in bed for an hour and a half trying to sleep.

I just want to be happy, is that so much to ask?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Friday 5: Misuses?

Here we got this week, with another fabulous edition of the Friday 5!

1. When did you last use the edge of a coin (or a knife blade) as a screwdriver?

Probably a long time ago because my dad's gift to me when I moved into my new place was a tool set, so I'd guess back when I was in college

2. When did you last use a wire coat-hanger to break into a car?

Fortunately I've never had to do this before.

3. When did you last use food or drink as medication?

Any time I have an upset stomach it's right to saltines and ginger ale for me.

4. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?

Oh jeez, probably last night, I do that all the time.

5. When did you last use a paper clip for any purpose other than to clip paper?

Well I personally didn't use it, but one of my friends used it to...clean something out.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Homework Assignment #6: Back to Black to Basics

So this week, we’re getting back to basics. Back to what this little creative journey started off with–Character creation.

Image originally from Borissov at DeviantART

Don’t think, don’t weave intricate tales, don’t try to be brilliantly insightful. Just tell me who this is. You tell me as much as your creative mind allows, or as little. Some people’s first instinct when looking at an image is a snowball effect of ideas and stories. Some need more guidance. At the very least, answer the following:

* What’s her name?
* What’s her favorite movie/book? (Does she even have one? Can she even read?)
* What is her favorite time of year?
* Is she allergic to anything?
* Has she ever been married?
* How many siblings does she have?
* What is her dream?

See? You don’t have to answer those specifically, but if you’re having trouble getting inside the heads of characters you’re writing into short stories (Or novels for NaNoWriMo), sometimes these mundane questions help.

No excuses this week, hmm?

Ready, GO!

Angela had the dream life that many little girls fantasize about when they are younger. She can be seen on billboards all across the world promoting everything from her line of fragrances to fancy designer clothing to her own multi-platinum CD. Children everywhere looked up to her, women everywhere envied her, and men everywhere wanted to be with her.

Yet...Angela had a problem.

Ever since she was little her mother, a former beauty queen, pushed her only daughter to showbiz. She was the baby in the Sears Wish Book for three years running until, her parents got her into commercials. She was entered into beauty pageants all throughout her schooling. However, Angela wanted more for herself. She felt she was more than just a pretty face, she applied herself in her studies. She got tutors for herself without her parents knowledge, she developed a taste for fine arts, literature from some of the greatest minds of our time, and the cinema like Shawshank Redemption and Memento, and she made the honor roll every year at school. She wanted to become something where she would be appreciated for her mind and not her looks. But she never had the self confidence to step up to her parents, because watching her win awards made them so happy. And this trend continued even as she received her Master's degree in biochemistry. Her parents were elated that now she had finished school she could make her star burn brighter than ever before and wouldn't be bogged down by classes and such. And this trend continued because at this point she was tired of trying to do something else.

Then one night everything changed, Angela arrived to hair and makeup early for a photoshoot. She was sitting in the makeup chair and waiting for her stylist when she overheard the director of the shoot, speaking about "all these idiot models" and "stuck up bitches who probably can't read more than a clothing label." She got fed up and left the shoot.

And here she is, she has not turned back. The director has called, her parents have called, her friends have called. She's done being a model, she's done using her looks to get by, she's going to use her degree and go somewhere were she can be appreciated for her mind, and finally be happy with herself. And suddenly she realized that she loved the taste of the cool autumn night, because it tasted like freedom.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Miss Papuga's Homework: Once Upon A Time

All right, boys and girls… Vacation is over!

It’s been a while since our last homework assignment, and I’m thrilled to see folks still posting their responses to the older assignments. I’m still considering a way to properly celebrate all of your fantastic responses here on the site, so if you have any ideas let me know! Okay, time to get down to business. For reasons that shall remain mysterious, I have recently become re-obsessed with Fairy Tales. Because I can’t get them out of my head, I’m going to infect you all as well!

One of my favorite assignments to give out has always been part of my Adaptations class, and I’m dying to know how you creative folks would approach it. Consider, for a moment, the traditional Fairy Tale. Usually you have an inanimate object at the heart of the story. Take, for example, Cinderella. You have a glass slipper causing all sorts of conflict and trouble. Some Fairy Tales have more than one (even in Cinderella, you can think of the Carriage, etc). You even have peripheral characters who appear but don’t have much to say. Fairy Tales are all about imagination, the fantasy world, and giving life and importance to things outside of the norm. (Okay, I’m not going to rant about the didactic nature of Fairy Tales, or the symbolism here. That’s an altogether different post. Let’s stick to the fun, hmm?)

Once upon a time…

You homework this week is to think about one fairy tale (I don’t care if it’s the Brothers Grimm, Anderson, or even Disney’s masterful theft), and reconsider the story from the point of view of either an inanimate object (Glass slipper, anyone?), or one of the peripheral characters (Maybe the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio). Retell your condensed version of the story either in the comments, or on your own site.

Okay since I'm not all to familiar with the Grimm's or Anderson's tales I'm going to use the only source of fairy tales I know of, Disney. And since my favorite Disney movie is Aladdin, I'm going to use Aladdin's little simian buddy Abu.

Abu is laying on a roof in the Marketplace of Argabah on what is seemingly a nomral day. What follows is the internal monoogue of what goes on in this curious little monkey's mind over the next couple of days.

Man, is it good to be a thief. Me and Al we got this shit locked down to a science. He sets them up I knock them down, and vice versa. Wait...damn it guards. Looks like we're gonna have to make a run for it. Honestly, I don't mind...but I wish I could just slap Al every time he spontaneously breaks into song when we are trying to escape. I mean I know the dude has my back and all, but doesn't he recognize that song makes it easier for them to follow us.

...Though it is kinda catchy, damn it.

Abu and Aladdin go through a daring escape in the marketplace only to find themselves parachuting down into an abandoned alleyway to safety.

Ugh...we really need to stop escaping to places where there are little kids who look even more destitute than we are, shit's getting tiresome.

Hey! Wait Al! Oh man where the fuck is he going?

Jeez...there are parades for that bitch princess every day it seems, this is no different. Why is he drawn to that shit? I mean it just leads to...yup, thrown in the mud. Oh wait, he's making a pun, I better laugh.

After heading back to their "loft" Abu sleeps comfortably as Aladdin sings yet another song about making it big someday. In the morning Al and his monkey pal are back in the marketplace looking to scam some food that evaded them the day before.

Okay let me run the strategy down, he distracts the guard I swipe all the apples I can...wait, what's he looking at?

Oh...shit...a dame.

Christ she just stole right in front of everyone, well punishment should be fun to watch...oh Christ. Of course Mr. hero has to go try and save her. Well while there's a scene I may as well help myself.

As Aladdin tried to talk the disguised Jasmine out of trouble, our simian hero runs around stealing coins and apples from everywhere in sight.

Oh great...Al is winging it, I just better play along and not blow this cover. Hey...the chick isn't a bad actress, and she's now bowing before me.

Kneel Before Zod!!!

Weird, I'm not even sure how I know that reference.

Oh crap! My bad! The loot spilled! Bail! Bail!

Abu, Al, and Jasmine speed away through the marketplace and they go through the back route to get to the roofs of Agrabah.

I swear this bitch better not stick around for too long, me and Al had a good thing going. She's only going to cause us trouble...well trouble we can't get out of. Crap...what's that noise?

At this moment guards come storming up into Aladdin's home. Abu runs off out of sheer fright. Aladdin and Jasmine leap from his home, however, right into the arms of the head palace guard. Jasmine's identity is revealed, as Abu watches on from the rooftops and carefully follows where the guards take Aladdin.

Jesus, I knew this was going to backfire on him. Never trust a pretty face I always say...then again, I don't speak English audibly, so he wouldn't get it. Ah well at least I can sneak into the palace pretty quickly. Not like this would be the first time he's landed in the dungeons.

Ah, there it is!

Ok I'll just slide through these bars and...

Abu frees Aladdin and the old man in the dungeon takes him to the Cave of Wonders. Aladdin is looking for the lamp, while Abu is just roaming around.

Hot diggity daffodils, look at all this loot. Sucks that I can't tough a single bit of it...though personally I think it's bullshit. If I see something amazing I'm taking it. Damn why does it feel like there's something sneaking up behind me?


Holy fuck....someone...just hat...

Ah! It's a fucking carpet!!

The fucking carpet is moving! Al!

Jeez, you just accept anything if it doesn't look harmful. Fine you stay with the self moving furniture item, I'm going to look around a bit...holy...holy....holy balls. Look at that ruby!

I'm going for it! Let go of me you stupid throw rug!


Abu and Al escape the lava tidal wave, and Abu manages to grab the lamp before the cave shuts permanently.

Saving your ass yet again, though I don't know what's so special about the lamp. Not that it matters at this point since we're probably gonna die in, that's a big blue dude.

A genie eh? Damn I wish I could speak so I could wish for something...I kinda also wish this dude would just stop talking for five seconds. It sounds like he has A.D.D. and diarrhea of the mouth. Oh well at least Al talked us out of here.

Damn! That sun is bright, but it's good to know we are out. I'm gonna stretch a bit, while they're talking about bull shit wishes Al will never waste on me anyway.

Wait...why is he looking at me like that?

Something doesn't smell right about this...

Don't point that finger at me!

Stop saying jibberish!

AHHHHHHH! I'm being turned into....


Abu has been turned into an elephant and is now crashing through the doors of the palace in Agrabah.

I hate this, while he's trying to mack it to a chick that's already obviously into him, I'm stuck here sitting bitch with a carpet, and her pet tiger. A pet tiger who kinda looks at me like I'm some sort of buffet.

Being an elephant sucks balls, eh but at least I'm always packed for a trip.

Damn, that joke doesn't even sound funny as an elephant.

I can't even keep tabs on my buddy. I mean I'm not on his shoulder to save his ass, who knows what he's getting up to.

Meanwhile Aladdin is arrested by Jafar, thrown in the lake to drown.

You know, they say elephants never forget...but I don't even remember what I had for lunch, that hasn't even two hours ago. What bullshit.

Genie saves Aladdin, and Al exposes Jafar as a traitor to the Sultan. Jasmine and Al agree to marry but now we are taken to Al's room where he is talking about his third wish.

Look at this guy, the second he gets me turned into a damned elephant, he almost gets himself drowned. Tell me again how great it is to have a monkey sidekick. And now he's being a little bitch and not going to free the Genie. God I'd sove love to give him the Outbreak monkey bite right now...yet another reference I was unaware that I knew of, go figure.

Jafar has become a sorcerer due to the stolen lamp. Jafar is now attacking the Sultan, Al, Jasmine, and the entire court.

I'll trample that pointy bearded mother fucker Al, don't you worry! Oh...shit, hey wait! I'm me again!

Great, now I'm a tiny little monkey against a huge mega wizard...this really just is not my day. And why do I suddenly crave peanuts, I didn't have any as an elephant and now I want some...Jesus.

Jafar has now sent Aladdin, carpet and Abu to Siberia in the tower of the palace.


Carpet flies our heroes back to Agrabah...surprisingly quickly. Abu and Aladdin are now trying to sneak up on Jafar, to get the lamp.

Oh good this is just like old times, only I finally get to take down that fucking bird that sounds like the dude from Problem Child. Booyaka bitch!

Go get that lamp Al, my boy! I got him! Shit, wait, OW! That fucker bit me!


And now...I'm a toy monkey...clanging cymbals...I'm not even supposed to be here today...

Aladdin saves the know how it goes. And everyone lives happily ever after.

Dude, next time you see a pretty girl in the marketplace...I'm just gonna bite her and give her AIDS, so none of this shit will happen again. Now someone get me some God damned grapes!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Friday 5: Jeez I've missed doing these

Ok, been a while since I've done a Friday 5...I've been slacking on pretty much everything white van related, I even have two assignments from Miss Papuga to do...damn it! Well here goes for this week.

1. What usually marks the middle of your day? My days these days are pretty random, if I wake up normal time then the middle of my day is lunch...if however, the insomnia sets in the middle of my day could be somewhere around 7pm, so i'd be watching jeopardy

2. From whom (or to whom) was your most recent middle-of-the-night phone call? middle of the night phone call? hmmmmm I've had some early morning text chats with miss Ashley, but i think i got drunk dialed by my buddy danny a week ago

3. On what social, political, economic, or moral issue are you in the middle of the road? You'll find I'm unfortunately not terribly political one most issues, I mean I have my opinions and everything but I'm never really like so stuck in my opinion that it can't be changed or altered simply because I try not to educate myself about a lot of stuff like that, because in the end for everything there is a potential loophole, for any plan there is a chance the plan fails, nothing is foolproof so I kinda just keep my opinions to myself most of the time, and wait to see things in action

4. How likely are you to give someone your middle finger? As a bonafide wrestling fan, the middle finger has been greatly desensitized, so I'd imagine it would be quite often

5. When were you last caught in the middle of a disagreement that really had nothing to do with you? Ha. All the time, I'm too nosy for my own good sometimes, but I just hate disagreements between my friends