The Boston Red Sox have finally ditched that dreadlocked piece of dead weight Manny Ramirez and have taken the final step towards repeating in the World Series.
Yes that's right, I said ditching Manny Ramirez will help the Sox win the World Series. You see the Red Sox pretty much had all the pieces aligned, but with Manny being Manny it is costing them a distraction. What happened in the 2006 season? Manny "decided" he was hurt and stopped playing when he realized he wanted more money and those damn Yankees won the division again and we didn't even get to the damn playoffs. And now the ship seemed to right itself again with the best closer in the history of the game on our team now and a core of young pitching plus a golden goose brought from the rising sun, we won the World Series yet again by sweeping up what was left of Rocktober.
Yes indeed, and if it wasn't for David Tyree putting superglue on his helmet Beantown would have had the best year in the history of sports, but now we come to this year and it's not cute Manny being Manny anymore, it's Manny being an asshole. He is a 10-year-old child trapped in a multimillionaire's body. I mean going into the hallowed green monster to take a leak, answering a cell phone on the field, high-fiving someone in the stands....how much do we pay this guy?
But now, Mr. Ex-Manager of the Enemy...he is your problem. And the great city of Boston can move on to destroy the Wannabe Rays and the Evil Empire. Because you see now we have Jason Bay, a guy who will help lead the team to numerous World Series' and he'll be hitting right there with Big Papi who is getting his swing back to form just like the Papi who crushed the hopes and dreams of all the Yankee fans in 2004. The Rays who we let get a head start will come back into our hallowed hall (one that isn't getting torn down...New York, heh heh) and we will give them a spanking like the young upstarts they are. Then we'll head down to the Trop and show them what happens when you get to the second half of the baseball year and your deal without the Devil finally falls flat. So keep those tickets for the Halloween show at Sea World down there, because I'm afraid you won't be as busy as you'd like to be in October.
And now this leads me to the Chokees. Listen up boys, if you think guys named Ponson and Marte are going to be saviors for your season, then you are sadly mistaken. In case you have a short memory we still have the greatest postseason starting pitcher in history, a guy younger than anyone on your roster who has beaten cancer and pitched a no-hitter for God's sake, and one of the greatest clutch hitters of all time. And you have Mr. Madonna, Juiced-on Giambi, your STD filled shortstop, Sour Melk, your new guy Xavier Nada, Lil' Pudgy, leftovers from Philly, and oh yeah that closer we always hit clutch hits off of....greatest of all time my ass, oh yeah and not to mention the only played on your team we actually used to have respect for is injured for the first time in his career, way to fuck that one up Girardi. By the way, Joba....the Youk's on you next time, you chubby cheeked bastard. Have fun floundering in obscurity Chokees, because when you stare up I-95 you will see a new stat. Championships since 2001 Sawks: 3 Chokees: zip.
Suck it New York, suck on our cawks.